That's my number. The number that my scale tells me and makes me think "uh oh". Now I know the lady-like thing is not to tell the world what your weight is...but I never claimed to be lady-like...so there. A couple weeks ago I stepped onto the pesky scale and the number it told me was not 150. It was 153. This called for a bigger mental "uh oh". I knew this wasn't a 'more muscular' 153 either. This was an 'I love to eat and can't motivate myself to work out' 153.
My first reaction of course was
"Well, now I really need to get down to business"
"Only vegetables and cardboard for me"
"A new iPod playlist will help"
"Sure I could get myself to look like ( fill in the actress' name )"
"This tbt photo of me from college will motivate me"
And that lasted for about a week.
Then some other thoughts came to mind
"Hey, this isn't high school and you're not an athlete anymore"
"Maybe this is my 27 year old body"
"My clothes still fit"
These were thoughts that had never really occurred to me before and how silly that they hadn't. Where is it written that I still need to have my "track body"?? I haven't run track in years! But on the other side of that coin what exactly does a "knitting body" look like? It doesn't sound great haha.
So I'm coming to terms with something in the middle. I don't like eating well but it's something that must be done, so while I'm not dieting, I will be more conscious of what I eat. I've also begun to go for small jogs in the morning. There's something about seeing the sun come up over the East River that's really pleasant.
I'm getting older and my body is changing and that's life. And while it's safe to say that I will not be pursuing a modelling career any time ever, I think it's important to feel good in this body I've got and treat it right. So I will jog for as long or little as I feel like; I will make sure that I'm not eating noodles for every meal of my day, much to my shagrin; and most importantly I will be realistic in my expectations of what my body should look like.
It can be such a very hard shift, this whole Aging Body thing, but keeping healthy and comfortable are most important. It's been a struggle for me, but in this past year (well, 9 months, really) of trying to find my best Self, I can sure say I understand that 'finding the middle ground'. We miss you tons and tons and I for sure will say, I love what's in your heart most of all, but above all else, it's good to know you are working to ensure that the rest of you will be around as long as it can too :)
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