friends

It's become clear to me lately that I need to start reevaluating the way I choose friends and whom I choose to keep close to me. Looking back at this summer there seems to be a few huge examples of this and I'm finally becoming aware of it. I get comfortable too quickly and give too much too soon. I ignore red flags about people, or feel like I'm too deep to get myself out once things go south. I assume that just because I wouldn't treat them a certain way that they won't do the same to me. I find myself being hurt a lot lately by people who I thought were my friends.

Growing up, my mom was always teaching me the difference between someone who is an actual friend and someone who is an acquaintance. The fact that she told me that there IS a difference was huge in itself I think. I didn't invest emotionally in people that I felt were not going to invest in me. I could tell the difference. Looking back it seems that I've lost the knack for that.

So I guess the question now is, how do I get back to doing that. I'm sick of being hurt and betrayed by people I let into my life. I'm sick of letting the wrong people get too close to me. And with moving to the city getting closer I can't help but feel that it is imperative that I figure this out. I don't want to be a totally closed off person, that's not me. So I need to find the balance between opening up too much but still being a warm, welcoming person. Or maybe I just need to not care when someone in my life lets me down. Maybe I should come to expect it from anyone? That feels so dark though.

I don't know. For now I think being aware of it is a step in the right direction. Hopefully that will naturally turn into being more choosey with the folks I call friends and those I consider acquaintances.

a laborious weekend

What a crazy couple of days. My weekend was just as fun and busy as I had hoped it would be. The weddings I worked Saturday and Sunday were both all day events but I somehow managed to muster up the energy to still go out with my friends afterwards. There were many beers consumed, much dancing done, and little sleep had. {am I 21 again and didn't know it??}
And speaking of friends, I'm SO loving the people I'm surrounded by lately. I haven't felt this secure in my friendships in a long time. It's a truly wonderful feeling.
Labor day itself was the most labor-free day of the summer for me. It started out pretty strangely. Let's just say that having your friends mom find your underwear in the driveway is a situation that can only be laughed about. And no there isn't a salacious tale to back that up. Beyond that, it included an over-sized bean bag, a No Reservations Marathon, a great nap, and a chili cheeseburger. A pretty superb way to spend a day off, if you ask me.

And somehow I managed to get only 2 pictures from the weekend. On Sunday we didn't get much of a break for lunch/dinner, so we whipped up a huge salad bar for everyone to enjoy. The girls set up the salad options while the guys set the table on the porch for us all.



It was perfect.


We ate, we sat, we chatted. It was just what we all  needed to prepare ourselves for the Jewish celebration we were about to be immersed in. {side note: if you've never been to a Jewish wedding, I highly recommend you attend one. It's quite the experience. And so much tradition.}

Overall, this past weekend was a great way to say goodbye to summer. Summer, that apparently left overnight.

Bring on the long sleeved shirts and clogs cuz here comes Fall!!

visits from friends

I love it when my  best friends come home to visit.
It gives me a reason to get out of work a little earlier, stay up a little later, and laugh a little harder.
It makes having to live at home that much more bearable.
I get lighter when they're here. Breathe easier.
But then the day comes and they are gone as soon as they arrived.
The fun ends.
And I'm counting down the days till they return.

So to my lovely friends, I miss you, I love you, and I can't wait till we are reunited.

{i don't know who I didn't get any pictures from this weekend. all the better for my memories i suppose}

July comes in with a BANG

When last Friday rolled around I couldn't help but have this sense of awesomeness about the weekend. Something inside me said "ya know what Sarah, you're probably not going to sleep a lot, but it will be totally worth it". And I'm glad to say I WAS RIGHT! Regardless of the fact that I worked all weekend, it was still a pretty wonderful couple of days. And well needed to say the least.
Now, I'm not going to list every detail of my loooong weekend but I will say this, it was so great to get to know new people, sit on the swing with my poppop, lounge around on a boat, and have 2 whole days off from work. All things that I haven't had time for lately with my 3 jobs using up all my time. 

it's a long story and luckily it wasn't MY shoe!

-My summer job is as a head hostess at on old wooden hotel. It's my 3rd season there and there are a few of us who keep returning and have known each other for these past years. There are also a lot of new people every summer which makes the month of May similar to the first day of school. Everyone's trying to remember names and figure out who they will get along with or butt heads with. It's exciting! Some people are local, some are from different continents all together! Last year I got to meet the bellmen that work at the hotel and I'm so grateful I did. They are honestly some of the best men I know, but more about them later. This year I've been hanging around in the kitchen more. Some of the guys back there have worked there just as long as I have and I'm almost ashamed that I hadn't gotten to know them yet. SO, as I said, I've been going out of my way to fix this. And again, I find myself being totally in awe of the group of people I've met. Most of them are my age and have accomplished and done amazing things! And to make it even sweeter, they are just down right NICE PEOPLE. One could pass as my brother, which we often try to do at the bars, one is 23 and is already receiving awards that chefs work towards their entire lives, and another one graduated from a local high school and happens to know all my buddies{ironical? I think so!} AND lived in France for 7 months . Needless to say, the summer season isn't even half over and I'm so grateful for getting know them already. I can only look forward to the fun times that are in store. In this part of NY especially it seems very difficult to meet interesting and genuinely good people to spend time with. I honestly couldn't be more pleased and just...happy.

-Two years ago we lost my grandmother after she went through chemo for a brain tumor. It was a huge loss to our family and left my poppop alone in the house that they shared. My aunt and dad would be sure to check on him often and be around to make sure he was alright. Last July 4th weekend, my aunt passed away suddenly. There was no real explanation for her death but it was all too soon to losing my grandmother and it was a huge blow to our family. I had moved home weeks before it happened so I was glad to be here to check in on my poppop still and just be with him. Needless to say, life and jobs tend to get in the way, so I don't get to spend as much time with him as I'd like. So on Tuesday I went to visit him. It was so peaceful to just sit on the swing with him and enjoy the beautiful weather. He isn't a big conversation maker so there were a few long pauses but I really didn't seem to mind as much as I tend to. It was just nice to have it be he and I, drinking tea, feet in the grass. It was nice to have the time to make for him and I'm so glad I did.

the guys

-As I said earlier, the bellmen I work with at the hotel are a top-notch group of fellows. Maybe it's a bellman thing, I don't know, but these guys are some of the funnest and nicest I know and I love spending time with them (even if it gets in into trouble at work sometimes). So when I was invited by them to spend a day on the lake I obviously jumped at the opportunity. It was almost therapeutic to be on the water with such great vibes from such great people. How did I get so fortunate?? Good people, good beers, AND a boat? I can't imagine a better day off. It was just what the doctor ordered.

Chautauqua Lake

I can honestly say that this was the best 4th of July weekend I've had in a long time, if not ever, and the rest of July's weekends have some serious work to do if they want to compare. I didn't have a voice for any of it and could have used a lot more sleep than I got, but it was so worth the time I got to spend with the new and old people in my life.

I'm truly, truly grateful.

For America. 

For Friends.

For Freedom.

one year.

It amazes me. The things that can change in a year. Your location. The people around you. Your attitude. 

A year ago I moved back home to live with my parents. This stemmed from a falling out that happened between my best friend and I, whom I was living with at the time.  This person had known me better than anyone for the prior 4 years. It was like a break-up and it was the worst one I'd ever experienced.

I arrived at home a different person. My spirit was broken. My heart was hurting. I had always expected to find my lifelong friends in college and to not be the person who had to move back in with their parents. Those were 2 things I thought I was sure of. I found myself to be mistaken.

And not only was I hurting, I was mean. And angry. I lashed out at the people supporting me.

It was an ugly time.

Now, a year later, I look back and see how far I've come. Am I entirely happy with the way my life is right now? No. But I'm making the best of it. And that's the hardest part.
I finally have a sturdy base of people around me. Some old friends and some new.  But all loving and caring and supportive of me.

I feel lighter. Brighter. Like a shroud has been lifted. I can breathe deeply again.

It's pretty amazing. The way things can change in a year. And without you really noticing it happen.

favorite things

Well, since I skipped last week....

• May flowers
• Being with my Mom on Mother's Day
• Spending time with my wonderful friends
• my Aviator Sunglasses
• feeling accomplished, even if it's only a little