in-betweener

I'm realizing these last couple months that I've become an in-betweener for guys. They send me naughty little texts when they are on their 500th "break" with their girlfriend. They flirt it up and make it seem like they're interested while they still aren't sure about another girl that they've started seeing. After they get out of a relationship they want to hang out before they move on to their next legit relationship. Almost every guy I've dated has either broken up with me for someone else or after we've broken up has a much more substantial relationship with their next girlfriend.

wtf?

Don't get me wrong, I know that half of it is my own fault, but more often than not I never see it coming. It's as if my standards are just low enough to let these guys in under the radar and then I'm totally stunned when it happens...again.

I'm sick of it. I want to be the first draft pick. I want to be chosen by choice, not default or convenience. Not someones fallback when they're bored or hot and bothered. It's not fair to myself.

In high school and for the first part of college my standards were pretty high and most everyone that knew me, knew that about me. Looking back now I'm not exactly sure when they started sinking. It looks like an avalanche though. One loud noise and down they tumbled.  It wasn't until last year that I started to really feel/see the consequences of it too. Since then I've made some changes in how I go about men and I'm starting to see the standard bar raise little by little. But like anything, it takes work. It's so much easier for the wall to fall than it is to build it.

No more in-betweening for me. I'm over it.