one year.

It amazes me. The things that can change in a year. Your location. The people around you. Your attitude. 

A year ago I moved back home to live with my parents. This stemmed from a falling out that happened between my best friend and I, whom I was living with at the time.  This person had known me better than anyone for the prior 4 years. It was like a break-up and it was the worst one I'd ever experienced.

I arrived at home a different person. My spirit was broken. My heart was hurting. I had always expected to find my lifelong friends in college and to not be the person who had to move back in with their parents. Those were 2 things I thought I was sure of. I found myself to be mistaken.

And not only was I hurting, I was mean. And angry. I lashed out at the people supporting me.

It was an ugly time.

Now, a year later, I look back and see how far I've come. Am I entirely happy with the way my life is right now? No. But I'm making the best of it. And that's the hardest part.
I finally have a sturdy base of people around me. Some old friends and some new.  But all loving and caring and supportive of me.

I feel lighter. Brighter. Like a shroud has been lifted. I can breathe deeply again.

It's pretty amazing. The way things can change in a year. And without you really noticing it happen.

Daily Dose

There is a great blog that I read that over flows with love. If you know it, you can attest. It's called The Daily Love and it's like a love devotional. Today's post was particularly inspiring. The last paragraph in particular, which read:

You are the co-creator of your life with the choices you make. Do you want to keep making the same mistake, or are you ready to graduate and experience BIG LOVE in your life? The choice is yours – make it consciously, and make it TODAY!

 

This idea is TOO TRUE! I'm telling people all the time that life is all about the choices you make. If you're unhappy, choose to change things around. Choose to BE HAPPY. So many people these days are too willing to say "oh well, I guess that's how my life is going to go" and they settle. They settle for crappy relationships and meaningless jobs and poor friendships. I feel like people are lazy about going after what they really want. Choosing happiness. Choosing love; It's hard work! It's a daily decision that you have to think about making. It won't just happen on it's own. 

 

If you're not in charge of your life then who is?

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in doing what you love! 

To: My Someday Family Man

I guess I should take some time to tell you that it's absolutely imperative that you get along with my family. I'm referring to my immediately family mostly. I need you to love them as if they were your own.

Why you ask? Because they're what I've got. Because they are me. Because you love me.

Especially my sister. You must get along with her the best. Because if you don't she'll never really know what it's like to have a brother. And I can't stand the thought of you both disliking each other during holidays and family get-togethers.

So you see, I'm a package deal. But not to worry, it's a great bundle, full of love and caring.

Ever Yours,

Sarah

Nothing left for me to do but DANCE

The message is too true:

Dance, nothing left for me to do but dance,

Off these bad times I'm going through just dance

It's so simple.

DANCING=HAPPINESS

I can't NOT dance when I hear this song! Enjoy xoxo

you win

My white flag is flying
I'm walking away
You've made it quite clear
That you don't want to stay

So I won't keep trying
No I'll no longer fight
My best foot put forward
But you're far out of sight

So am I the loser
Since you won the war?
I can't help but feel now
The same as before

I knew your name
And recognized your face
I was on my own path
Running at my pace

Now I'm back on that path
Blowing with the breeze
My love being spent
On whomever I please

So yes, you've won
But I didn't lose
At the end of all this
You made a great muse

Dear Frogs,

I would just like to take a moment to apologize....

Later this week, I was driving home from work in a serious rain storm. We were having tornado warnings (in WNY?? madness!) and the rain was coming down harder than I'd ever seen. It made driving nearly impossible.

Now, anyone who knows anything about frogs knows that they loooove to hop their little frog legs across the road when it's raining. Being someone who loves nature and animals I usually do what I can to avoid said frogs, still making sure that I'm not putting myself in a ditch in the process.

This particular night...my hands were tied. Well...more like glued to the wheel..but you get what I mean. As I was driving I could barely see the road in front of me, let alone the frogs as they hopped across. Sadly I could see them just as went under my car.

So, I'd like to apologize to the frog husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, whose relatives I accidentally ran over. It was nothing personal and I promise to try my best to avoid the rest of you the next time it's raining.

Your froggy friend,

Sarah

the weight of a word

Last weekend I ran into an acquaintance whom I met 2 summers ago through a friend of mine. This person and I rarely see each other but when we happen to we say the usual "hello. how are you" and that's about as far as it goes. Which is fine for both of us.

On this particular night I was standing with the friend and said acquaintance came over for the usual friendlies. We had our usual side body hug, said the usual hey, and then...something unusual happened. Instead of going with the flow into the 'how are you' portion of the conversation, the acquaintance said "You're looking skinnier!".

You're looking skinnier

Now, let me explain some things. I've never been a girl who was obsessed with my weight.  I never really needed to be. My entire life has been filled with outdoor activities and sports that kept me in pretty good shape. I was also surrounded by people who loved me unconditionally and somewhat sheltered me from things that would influence my self image{all things I am eternally grateful for}. In college I gained the usual "Freshman 15" but it filled me out in a good way, more than anything. I still stayed pretty active but it was much more of an effort once college came. I knew that if I wasn't conscious of my weight, it had the potential to get out of control. It still wasn't something I really obsessed over though. If i skipped a day at the gym it wasn't ever a big deal to me. And of course there are things that I wouldn't mind having...a flatter stomach, thighs that don't touch, smaller feet...but over analyzing these "flaws" seemed somewhat pointless in the long run. I'm not fat but I'm not a toothpick either. I'd like to think I have an athletic build.

 After college was when I started to notice some bad weight appearing on my body though. I didn't have the same gym access and wasn't participating in sports anymore. These factors combined with being introduced to beer(I just love the stuff) and my Italian love for food--therefore being able to eat even after I'm full--made for some unhealthiness. At my worst point I had gained 6ish pounds since college and over 10 since high school. Now, this doesn't seem like much, but I'm only 5"4' so it's pretty hard to hide weight gain like that. 

Last summer I moved back home and around Christmas time decided enough was enough! I asked for a gift card to a local gym for as a Christmas present and was pleased as punch to receive one! I hit the gym and I git it hard. I knew I couldn't be lazy about working out if I wanted to feel healthier again. And it paid off. After almost 2 months I had dropped 10 pounds and couldn't feel happier about it. Mainly it was nice to know that I could make it happen.

-->So...back to the acquaintance: I met this person the summer after I graduated from college and before I started my theatre internship aka got lazy and gained the weight. At the time I wasn't really keeping track of my weight so I ate whatever I wanted and didn't go to the gym. I hadn't reached my heaviest though.

-->Fast forward to this past weekend: When I heard him say the comment, I laughed and made a joke about it, not really taking it into consideration. It wasn't until later in the evening that I started to dwell on it more, and it's been coming up ever since. I'm sure the person meant it as a compliment and when I think about it, I don't really have bad feelings towards it or him. I guess it's really the 'skinnier' that really gets me. 

Three little letters....ier. If he had said "you're looking skinny" I don't think it would have stuck with me like it has. But he didn't say that. He used the word "skinnier" which implies that I was once not as skinny. And I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little effecting by it.

We don't always think about the weight of our words....and particularly the words we choose in certain situations. Three letters can change what would have been a wonderful compliment into a thought provoking review of my bodily form over the past 6 years. It makes me think about the words I have chosen in the past and if they have effected people in the same way. Being the talkative person that I am, I'm sure it's happened more than once. 

So I will make an effort to 1) compliment people more often and 2) make sure I say what I mean to say in the most wonderful way.

my favorite things

it's that time again....

• having a sewing station set up in the new house!
• breathing in fresh, country air again
• getting back into the gym!!
• feeling inspired lately
• going to see Bridesmaids with my 2 guy friends
• being a mark. rep! 
• not feeling so stressed out 
• being able to have my legs show again!

love this

Breaking News:

I'm a hopeless romantic.

And here I thought this only happened in the movies.

what a lucky girl

home.

They say that 'home is where the heart is'; but what do you do when your heart has been taken from your home?

This week I moved out of the home I spend my teenage years growing up in. My parents have built a new, and gorgeous, log home, out in the country and since I live with them, I'm moving there too. Now, even though this new house is only 20 min away from the old one, it might as well be a different continent to me. I love my house. I knew every creak in the floor, the way the walls curved, how the old wood felt. I did so much growing up there and have so many memories, good and bad, from over the years.

And now I'm moving to a new house. A house that's foreign to me. A house that has no memories or familiarity. A house I don't even have a bedroom in yet. I'm far away from my jobs and my friends and part of me would rather have paid the rent for an apartment I couldn't really afford. So what's a girl to do?

Make do, of course. As I always do. But will my heart ever make this new house my home? I'm not entirely sure. A small, stubborn part of me hopes not....so I don't get too comfortable in this new house; so when I do get back on my feet and move on to the next chapter of my life I don't have to feel sad about leaving again. Another part of me wants to love this house though. It's where my parents are. It's where we will be making new memories and celebrating holidays together.

So, time will tell. And until then I will be unpacking and trying to make things work; hoping I can at least find a way to feel good about living in this new house.

what a difference the weather makes

Spring has truly sprung and I couldn't be happier! My shorts, t-shirts, and I have been outside as much as possible lately. I've also had my camera along for the ride...thanks goodness!

My poppop has always had the best garden!

I don't even know where he finds these things

I fell in love with these mason jar glasses at this restaurant!

the boy I nanny picked my dandelions. love.

the little girl I nanny

Emmy, Ringo, and Rocket

I'm sure there will be many more photos of sunny times to come. It just feels so invigorating to be outside again.

I feel a building up.

A building up of something I can’t quite determine. 

It may be artistic, or a good cry, or something to come this summer. I’m not sure.

But I feel it. 

Almost like seeing water begin to boil. The surface beginning to roll a little right before it reaches the perfect temperature. 

I don’t think it’s going to be bad.  At least I hope it won’t be.

But I’m suspicious of it; keeping one eye on it while my life gets closer.

Will I recognize it when it does happen? Will I embrace whatever it is or push it to the side?

I guess time will tell all. 

Until then I’ll continue to wait. Wait for those first rollings of water to push through the surface and boil over.

my weirdness

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."

~Dr. Seuss

I've always considered myself to be a weird girl so when I read this quote it struck a chord with me. Plus it's by Dr. Suess and since he is a doctor and all, he clearly knows what he's talking about. 

I just love the idea of there being someone out there who I can "fall in mutual weirdness" with.

Because Lord knows the guy I end up with will have to come with some weirdness of his own.

favorite things

Well, since I skipped last week....

• May flowers
• Being with my Mom on Mother's Day
• Spending time with my wonderful friends
• my Aviator Sunglasses
• feeling accomplished, even if it's only a little

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides - Audrey Hepburn ♥

happy song

While enjoying my morning dose on vh1 music videos today I watched what can only be described as the most bad ass video to come out in a long time. And no wonder it's so awesome, it's the Beastie Boys! That's as much as I can say....the video must speak for itself.  Enjoy!!

justice is served?

I don't need much introduction into this post. Most everyone knows that last night, the death of Osama Bin Laden was announced. As I lay in bed and watched the news unfold and President Obama address the nation, I couldn't help but feel a sense of uneasiness about the whole thing. Now, let me preface things with the facts that 1) I'm not overly political and 2) this is just my opinion. Do I believe that Osama was responsible for the deaths of thousands of Americans? Yes. Do I believe that he needed to be stopped? Of course. But when did America appoint itself judge and jury? Are we living in ancient Babylon under Hammurabi's Code? Does killing Osama Bin Laden rebuild the twin towers or bring back the people who died? No, we are not, and it does not. Again, I don't know the details of how these things really work, but there's just a part of me that feels like there could have been another answer.
To add to my unease, every couple of minutes I see news feeds on every little detail of what happened. From the idea of there being a woman used as a human shield to "Geronimo" being the code word for the operation. I don't know why the world needs to know these things. Isn't it enough to know that he's dead? Maybe it's just me. I don't feel less American for feeling this way though.
And what about the backlash from these actions? I can't help but feel like this is just the beginning of a downward spiral. Just because their leader has died doesn't necessarily mean that Al-Qaeda is going to die with him. If anything you would think that this would only fuel them to continue and seek some kind of revenge. I don't see any way that things would just "go away" now that Osama is out of the picture.
I guess time will tell. I'm glad to know that Osama Bin Laden will no longer be a threat to my country. I pray that this will bring soldiers home. I'm hopeful that this will allow the leaders of our country to focus on other important issues like poverty, slavery, and our debt.  God Bless America.

snapshots of a weekend

May is off to a great start. And of course I had my camera with me to document the wonderfulness of it all. 

A pick-up game in Falconer Park

one of the many reasons I don't play basketball

this sign was too pretty NOT to take a picture of

 On Sunday a couple of us went to Olcott Beach, NY for some Highland Games. This is probably one of the quaintest towns I've ever been to in this area of New York. There was a little boardwalk of tiny shops on the beach and fortunately for my wallet, they were closed.

my friend and I in front of the lake

the cutest little lighthouse ever!

being brothers is more than blood

he's actually a big teddy bear