I don't get sick very often. A cold twice a year is pretty much it. So when I do come down with something it's almost as if I forget that I'm sick and that my body needs rest. I try to go about life as usual and by about the third day I'm absolutely exhausted and worn down. And even then I don't usually take the time to stop and rest. It's as if there's a small voice somewhere in my head telling me that if I'm not busy doing something productive then I'm wasting time. That if I stop and take some time to rest, I'm being selfish. Sounds a little silly I know.
So, now that I'm aware of this silly voice, I think It's time to silence it. My body is fighting a battle right now so it's ok to feel tired. It's ok to rest.
It's amazing, the things you learn when you're 25. ha.
3.28.2012
3.23.2012
the d word
diet.
there. I said it. I shuttered a little. but I said it.
I am on a diet.
My usual outlook on food and fitness is, work out often and eat what you like. And this usually works fairly well for me. But for the last couple months I've noticed that it hasn't exactly been working out, mostly because I don't get to work out as often as usual. To make matters worse, I have a nasty habit of eating way too much, like past the point of full too much. It's not good. And I love to snack...and snack.....and snack. All in all I was spending my days snacking, never actually feeling hungry, and of course, eating all the wrong things. And since I continued to eat however I liked, I could start to see the consequences. I wasn't getting fat by any means, but I could definitely see things starting to change, and not in a way that I liked.
No Bueno.
So I decided that something needed to be done about it. I've done the Special K diet before so I thought would do it again. The idea of having a set plan with certain things to eat really works for me because if given the choice between a cheeseburger or a protein shake, I'M GONNA CHOOSE THE CHEESEBURGER. Simple as that.
Two weeks in and I think I'm starting to see some results. It's been one of those "one good choice leads to another" kind of things too. My none special k meals each day have been fairly healthy and if they're not I'm not eating like there's no tomorrow. I drink a lot of water. And now that my one job is winding down I can get the gym more often. Three pounds in two weeks....I can handle that. More importantly though, I see myself learning to have self control about eating and food and that's what I really want to gain. So when I feel like I can go off the diet I'm ready to continue the idea of eating good things, and eating in moderation. To me that's much more valuable than losing weight.
So wish me luck. Lately I've been feeling good mentally about it which makes me very vulnerable to cheating and eating naughty things. But I'm determined to stick with this. My body deserves it!!
there. I said it. I shuttered a little. but I said it.
I am on a diet.
My usual outlook on food and fitness is, work out often and eat what you like. And this usually works fairly well for me. But for the last couple months I've noticed that it hasn't exactly been working out, mostly because I don't get to work out as often as usual. To make matters worse, I have a nasty habit of eating way too much, like past the point of full too much. It's not good. And I love to snack...and snack.....and snack. All in all I was spending my days snacking, never actually feeling hungry, and of course, eating all the wrong things. And since I continued to eat however I liked, I could start to see the consequences. I wasn't getting fat by any means, but I could definitely see things starting to change, and not in a way that I liked.
No Bueno.
So I decided that something needed to be done about it. I've done the Special K diet before so I thought would do it again. The idea of having a set plan with certain things to eat really works for me because if given the choice between a cheeseburger or a protein shake, I'M GONNA CHOOSE THE CHEESEBURGER. Simple as that.
Two weeks in and I think I'm starting to see some results. It's been one of those "one good choice leads to another" kind of things too. My none special k meals each day have been fairly healthy and if they're not I'm not eating like there's no tomorrow. I drink a lot of water. And now that my one job is winding down I can get the gym more often. Three pounds in two weeks....I can handle that. More importantly though, I see myself learning to have self control about eating and food and that's what I really want to gain. So when I feel like I can go off the diet I'm ready to continue the idea of eating good things, and eating in moderation. To me that's much more valuable than losing weight.
So wish me luck. Lately I've been feeling good mentally about it which makes me very vulnerable to cheating and eating naughty things. But I'm determined to stick with this. My body deserves it!!
3.20.2012
Favorite Things
It's been tooooo long so I have plenty of favorite things these days! And here they are!
- Pinterest. duh.
- The gorgeous weather we've been having! I swear if it snows again after this I'll move away immediately.
- Yogi Tea! I love the little quotes on the bag's tag. So far my fave is The Green Tea with Pomegranate.
- Being immersed in the theatre again.
- Putting some really old CD's in my car to listen to. Oh man, my taste in music was strange...and slightly gangster.
- Returning to the Green Monster every morning.
- Playing outside with the kids. It's just so much better than being stuck in the house all day.
- Draw Something. I'm addicted.
- Fresh Strawberry hand sanitizer from Bath and Body Works. It's so summery and perfect. (They have a ton of other great summer scents too!)
- My new purse from Old Navy. It's blue and white striped (of course) and I can't want to carry it with a cute summer dress.
- Getting free stuff!! Who doesn't love free stuff??
3.16.2012
25
It happened. A few weeks ago by now, but it happened. I turned 25. A quarter of a century.
HOLY CRAP I'M OLD!!!
Ok, so I'm not that old. But when you're growing up, 25 feels like such a far away age. Like it will take you forever to get there. But here it is, 2012 and I'm 25. The more I type it, the more it sinks in.
I spent my weekend in the best possible way...with my family and friends and at the theatre too. Nothing extravagant or over the top. It was perfect. I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm a bit of a birthday Scrooge. I almost become shy and embarrassed when people wish me a happy birthday or get me gifts. (Although my dad did get me a really gorgeous diamond necklace that I wasn't too embarrassed to receive. I was in shock and awe!) I'm not entirely sure what that's about though. I'm not a shy person, nor do I often avoid being the center of attention(yup, I said it) but there's something about Birthday attention that makes me withdrawn. I think it may have to do with my past birthdays. Looking back at turning 24 all I can think about is how the person I chose to spend my day with, is no longer in my life. And unfortunately there are many other birthdays that I can say the same thing about. Now I'm sure it's a good thing that those people are no longer in my life, but it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I think it makes me afraid or skeptical to enjoy the day with other people, even the people who I know aren't going anywhere. So yeah...simple was best.
Another thing about being 25. It seems like every year someone asks me "so how does it feel now that you're (insert new age)"? Every year my answer is, "same as before" because it does. There's never been some changeful feeling on the day or after my birthday. It just comes and goes. But this year. This year was different. I felt it the day before my birthday actually. Like a nudge. A nudge telling me to turn around and look where I've been. Who I've been. And not just then but in reference to who and where I am now. To recognize the difference between the two. So I did. And you know what happened? I felt different. I felt 25. Not like the 10 year old girl just learning how to sew from her grandma, or the 15 year old girl dealing with the aftermath of a house fire and her parents divorcing, or the 18 year old girl packing up and moving to Florida for college, or the 21 year old leaving the country for the first time to go to Egypt, or even the 24 year old realizing that she needed to change the way she went about some things in her life. No. Now I feel like the 25 year old girl who has gone through all those things and more and learned so much along the way. The girl who, having learned from those things, feels more ready than ever to continue on in this life journey and see what else there is. It's cloudy and exciting all at once.
So here's to my 25th year. I anticipate some big changes and hopefully even more love and laughter than my previous years. Cheers.
HOLY CRAP I'M OLD!!!
Ok, so I'm not that old. But when you're growing up, 25 feels like such a far away age. Like it will take you forever to get there. But here it is, 2012 and I'm 25. The more I type it, the more it sinks in.
I spent my weekend in the best possible way...with my family and friends and at the theatre too. Nothing extravagant or over the top. It was perfect. I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm a bit of a birthday Scrooge. I almost become shy and embarrassed when people wish me a happy birthday or get me gifts. (Although my dad did get me a really gorgeous diamond necklace that I wasn't too embarrassed to receive. I was in shock and awe!) I'm not entirely sure what that's about though. I'm not a shy person, nor do I often avoid being the center of attention(yup, I said it) but there's something about Birthday attention that makes me withdrawn. I think it may have to do with my past birthdays. Looking back at turning 24 all I can think about is how the person I chose to spend my day with, is no longer in my life. And unfortunately there are many other birthdays that I can say the same thing about. Now I'm sure it's a good thing that those people are no longer in my life, but it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I think it makes me afraid or skeptical to enjoy the day with other people, even the people who I know aren't going anywhere. So yeah...simple was best.
Another thing about being 25. It seems like every year someone asks me "so how does it feel now that you're (insert new age)"? Every year my answer is, "same as before" because it does. There's never been some changeful feeling on the day or after my birthday. It just comes and goes. But this year. This year was different. I felt it the day before my birthday actually. Like a nudge. A nudge telling me to turn around and look where I've been. Who I've been. And not just then but in reference to who and where I am now. To recognize the difference between the two. So I did. And you know what happened? I felt different. I felt 25. Not like the 10 year old girl just learning how to sew from her grandma, or the 15 year old girl dealing with the aftermath of a house fire and her parents divorcing, or the 18 year old girl packing up and moving to Florida for college, or the 21 year old leaving the country for the first time to go to Egypt, or even the 24 year old realizing that she needed to change the way she went about some things in her life. No. Now I feel like the 25 year old girl who has gone through all those things and more and learned so much along the way. The girl who, having learned from those things, feels more ready than ever to continue on in this life journey and see what else there is. It's cloudy and exciting all at once.
So here's to my 25th year. I anticipate some big changes and hopefully even more love and laughter than my previous years. Cheers.
3.02.2012
To My Future Type,
Lately I've been thinking about what type of guy you'll be. Looking back at my list of exes there isn't really much that they have in common, other than being the wrong guy as my mom would point out. But other than that, it's pretty spread across the board. Nerdy guys, alpha athletic types, quiet anti-socials and preps. Tall, short, skinny and not. There's even a wizard in there (yeah....high school). Point is, when I think about you, I can't help but wonder what type you'll turn out to be. Will you be the type that's man enough to wear a bow tie on any old day? Or the type that will embrace and support my love of Jason Mraz's music? Will you be the type that will dedicate your Sundays to church and football with me? Or will you the type who will dance with me in public places just for fun? Perhaps you'll be the guy whose hands will always be a little dirty from working with them every day? Or the type who can make any group of people laugh with your wit and charm?
Maybe you'll be all of those things in one wonderful package. Are my hopes too high for wanting that? Regardless, I look forward to finding out someday. Until then, take the time to figure it out and be confident about it. It'll come in handy by the time we meet.
Maybe you'll be all of those things in one wonderful package. Are my hopes too high for wanting that? Regardless, I look forward to finding out someday. Until then, take the time to figure it out and be confident about it. It'll come in handy by the time we meet.
Love always,
Your future little bit of everything
3.01.2012
march
I can't believe it's already March. It seems like February flew by....even WITH an extra day! Did you say Rabbit Rabbit?? Did it work for you, looking back on your month? I hope so. I can honestly say that I think it worked for me! I got hired for a third job as the Stage Manager at the community college in my town, I won a drawing from Pushups with Polish, I spent my Valentine's Day with my best friends, and I got my tax return. All pluses in my book!
On a different note, I've been applying for theatres lately. Theatres away from home. So far it's been fairly daunting. There isn't much out there that pays enough for me to make most of a living on, which is somewhat frustrating. I'm pretty determined though. In May it will be 2 years since I moved home and by the time ihopefully move in the Fall I feel like that will have been more than enough time for me. Of course it's been wonderful living rent free and being able to live near my family, and who knows, maybe someday I'll decide that this is where I want to settle down and raise childrens, but right now, at this moment in my life, I can't help but feel like there is so much out in the world that I need to see and experience. I've got no strings, no weights to hold me here. So fly I must. Maybe to NYC, maybe to the West, who knows. I just know that I don't want to look back at my twenties and feel like I could have done so much more with them. So I search. and search. and search some more. Looking through theatre's websites, trying to find any indication that they might need me. Emailing production staff and managers, selling myself to them in the nicest way possible. Hoping they'll like what they read and offer me a decent amount of money. I mean, as much as I'd love to volunteer for theatres, I gots bills to pay! I don't know anyone who can live in $75 a week! sheesh. So, if you wouldn't mind sending some good theatre vibes my way, I'd really appreciate it. Or if you happen to know a sugar daddy that could work too!
Another thing rolling around in my head lately is thinking about where I was in my life a year ago. There was someone. Someone who, I thought, had the potential to be rather significant to me. It was new and exciting and I couldn't wait to see where it would go. Obviously now I know where it went. Nowhere. But it changed me. Changed the way I went about things with men in particular. Looking back I'm not bitter about it ending. It's more significant to me because it was the last time I felt that way. And now it's been a year. When he and I met, I wanted to be single. I chose that because I wanted it and when he came along I started to change my mind...because of him though, not because of me. Now I feel myself not wanting to be single so much. I've forgotten what it's like to have that person to rely on and cherish. Now, am I going out and searching for it in bars and at gyms? No. I don't have the time for all that. But I think being in that mental place is a step in the right direction. A step I haven't actually chosen in a very long while. And I'm not gonna lie, it does make me feel a little lonely at times, but that's what best friends and ice cream is for right?!
So yeah, that's what's up.
On a different note, I've been applying for theatres lately. Theatres away from home. So far it's been fairly daunting. There isn't much out there that pays enough for me to make most of a living on, which is somewhat frustrating. I'm pretty determined though. In May it will be 2 years since I moved home and by the time i
Another thing rolling around in my head lately is thinking about where I was in my life a year ago. There was someone. Someone who, I thought, had the potential to be rather significant to me. It was new and exciting and I couldn't wait to see where it would go. Obviously now I know where it went. Nowhere. But it changed me. Changed the way I went about things with men in particular. Looking back I'm not bitter about it ending. It's more significant to me because it was the last time I felt that way. And now it's been a year. When he and I met, I wanted to be single. I chose that because I wanted it and when he came along I started to change my mind...because of him though, not because of me. Now I feel myself not wanting to be single so much. I've forgotten what it's like to have that person to rely on and cherish. Now, am I going out and searching for it in bars and at gyms? No. I don't have the time for all that. But I think being in that mental place is a step in the right direction. A step I haven't actually chosen in a very long while. And I'm not gonna lie, it does make me feel a little lonely at times, but that's what best friends and ice cream is for right?!
So yeah, that's what's up.
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