Christmas Spirit

I'm having some trouble getting into the Christmas spirit this year. As it turns out I am scheduled to work on Christmas Eve so making it home for the holidays isn't in the cards for me. While this isn't my first Christmas away from my family it seems to be a little more sad than last time. Last time I had been living away from my family for almost 5 years already. I was used to only going home for a couple weeks at a time from being in college. This time I've only been away for almost a month.  To make things a little harder, my roommate was able to go home. Obviously I'm glad that she gets to spend the time with her family, there's no reason why she shouldn't. But being alone on Christmas is definitely going to be strange. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big girl, I know I'll be just fine. And I don't want to sound whiney or anything. Like I said, the whole situation just makes it difficult to feel festive. I did buy some egg nog though, so that's a plus of course. And Karli did buy an adorable Christmas tree, living and all! Overall, it makes me appreciate the years I have spent with my family and I look forward to future holidays with them.

On another bummed note, since my sewing machine didn't get to make the trip to NYC (yet), I didn't get the chance to make the family Christmas pants this year! A fact that I think I'm more bummed out about than they are. I did however buy the fabric for them so I guess that saves me some time for next year!

And the icing on the cake? There's IS NO icing on the cake here. No snow! Don't get me wrong, I'm not a huge fan a snow, but Christmas isn't Christmas without some snow. And it hasn't snowed here once. Not gonna lie, it freaks me out a little bit. I'm still in NY aren't I? 

So while this won't be my ideal Christmas the good thing is, it's only one of many I have had and will have. And on that note, I think it's time for some nog and maybe a Christmas flick. 

subways

It's almost been a month since I've moved here and I'm just starting to feel comfortable riding the subway....to and from work anyway. It's not nearly as daunting as it seemed in the beginning. And with an ipod for tunes it's much more enjoyable. 

The only problem is that my musically driven brain tends to want this scene to happen every time I step on the train:

A girl can dream can't she?

an exchange

He sat across from her on the subway. They had never met before. 
Their eyes met. For a mere second alone. 
She smiles. He smiles. She looks away, fidgeting with her hands. 
Should she look again? Would he? 

She does.

He does. 

They smile again. Which he followed with a laugh. 
She couldn't help but laugh too. 
They look away. 

Three stops they go. Nothing more happens.

At the stop before hers, he begins to leave. 
He faces away from her. She looks. 
Seconds feel like years. 

The doors open. 

She looks.

He turns, 

with a wave,

and a smile. 

She smiles back. 

He leaves. 

I live in Manhattan

It still sounds alien to me! And I think it will take some time to get used to. To feel like I'm not on vacation. It's been a week and I can feel myself starting to get used to the vibe here. It's fast. Really fast. Everyone is busy doing their own thing and hustling everywhere.

So many people wear the same thing: black, boots, and buns. Before I came here I thought to myself  "well Sarah, be prepared to look under-dressed most of the time". So far that hasn't been the case. For some reason I had this idea that everyone here wore designer clothes and high heels . Not so. Everyday I see people wearing pretty normal outfits. It's almost comforting in a way. They're doing the NYC thing, and I can too. Seems silly, I know.

In a week I went from having 0 jobs to potentially 3 jobs. Let me tell you, both ends of the spectrum are stressful. Trying to find a job, sending resumes, going on interviews, finding more jobs. It's taxing. Then I get one job, I can't say no, plus it's a job I think I'll love. Then another calls. Then another. Now I find myself with options and trying to figure out ways to do it all. I need to do it all. Rent cometh. But I don't think they'll fit as well as my jobs back home. So now I find myself feeling bad having to say No to some and Maybe to others. All the while knowing the job I'll love won't be enough. Stressful.

There are definitely things I'm coming to love though. The gust of wind that hits as a subway train flies by. The ebb and flow of walking down crowded sidewalks. Seeing things that I've only ever seen on tv. The ornate tile work at each subway stop. Discovering my neighborhood and the great little spots in it (I look forward to finding more of them). Seeing friends whom I haven't seen in a very long time. Unlocking the door to my apartment. The tiny wine store down the block.

I'm starting to like it here. And I love that.

a dream

So I'm moving to New York City in 9 days. It has been, and continues to be quite the crazy process but this post isn't about that in particular.

I've known that I was going to move this fall since the beginning of 2012. It was time to experience a new place and put my degree to use at a big theatre. I never really put a name or title on it. And as the decision to go to New York City came out, it stayed that way. It was always something I wanted to do but wasn't sure that it would really happen.

At the end of the summer when the wheels really started to get turning on the moving process, a friend of mine started using the words "your dream" in terms of the move. It sounded a little strange to me at first. My dream. For some reason I had never used those words. The more often he said it, the more I realized that it was. Moving to New York City had always been a dream of mine. Living in the Big Apple, in a tiny apartment, riding subways, and doing theatre.

Most of the things that I've done throughout my life were fairly spur of the moment accomplishments. Things I had never really seen myself doing that, once they happened, I loved and never regretted. They weren't things that I thought about doing for years. This is. I've always said that I wanted to live in NYC for 5 years or so. Now that's about to happen.

I can't help but feel that it's all so surreal but not for the fact that I'm moving. I moved across the country for college without ever visiting Florida. Moving itself is not surreal. Fulfilling a life long dream is surreal.

So I'm glad that I have a friend who, even though he didn't know it, helped me recognize my dream. And I can't wait to start this crazy adventure that's ahead of me. It's frightening and exciting all at the same time and no matter how it goes, in the end, I'll have a really great story to tell.

friends

It's become clear to me lately that I need to start reevaluating the way I choose friends and whom I choose to keep close to me. Looking back at this summer there seems to be a few huge examples of this and I'm finally becoming aware of it. I get comfortable too quickly and give too much too soon. I ignore red flags about people, or feel like I'm too deep to get myself out once things go south. I assume that just because I wouldn't treat them a certain way that they won't do the same to me. I find myself being hurt a lot lately by people who I thought were my friends.

Growing up, my mom was always teaching me the difference between someone who is an actual friend and someone who is an acquaintance. The fact that she told me that there IS a difference was huge in itself I think. I didn't invest emotionally in people that I felt were not going to invest in me. I could tell the difference. Looking back it seems that I've lost the knack for that.

So I guess the question now is, how do I get back to doing that. I'm sick of being hurt and betrayed by people I let into my life. I'm sick of letting the wrong people get too close to me. And with moving to the city getting closer I can't help but feel that it is imperative that I figure this out. I don't want to be a totally closed off person, that's not me. So I need to find the balance between opening up too much but still being a warm, welcoming person. Or maybe I just need to not care when someone in my life lets me down. Maybe I should come to expect it from anyone? That feels so dark though.

I don't know. For now I think being aware of it is a step in the right direction. Hopefully that will naturally turn into being more choosey with the folks I call friends and those I consider acquaintances.

Craft Day/DIY

The hotel is dark this entire week which means CRAFT TIME FOR SARAH!!!! It's pretty exciting I know. I've decided that I need to work on at least 1 thing every day this week, big or small. Last night started things off nicely with finishing a hat for a friend of mine. He knows that he's getting a hat but he doesn't know what it looks like so I won't be putting it on here just yet. All that's left is to tie in the ends (blah).

Today I slept in till 11! Pretty scandalous for me. So it was right to work upon awakening. To get into the swing of things I decided to finally do a DIY from my "future projects" board on Pinterest. Too often I want to try something I see on there and then forget or just don't do it. So with great determination I went to choosing my project. Upon scanning my pins I knew which one I would conquer.

Just a little large!! Time to fix that!

Years ago in high school I managed to convince this kid to give me a shirt of this that I adored. It's a men's XL Tee with a picture of Jim Morrison, of The Doors, on it and the lyrics to People Are Strange on the back. I remember being obsessed with it back then but to this day have no idea how I was able to coerce him to give it to me. It's still one of my favorite tees but I don't wear it for much other than sleeping since it's so big on me. It was time to up-cycle it.

Enter Trash to Couture, the super awesome blog where I found this great tutorial on turning a large t-shirt into a cute dolman tee. As a fan of the dolman tee I knew this was the project for me.

 
Per the directions I went to cutting the sleeves first. Since I've worked with T-shirts before I was more than aware of the fact that cotton will curl as soon as you cut it. So I decided it would be better to measure the sleeve in my arm first then sew the diagonals and cut the excess off afterwards. It made sewing it SO much easier!

No curling here!!

I did the same measuring on my hips before doing the gathering portion of the tutorial. I didn't want to sew it too small or not small enough and have to redo it over and over again. Once i marked how far to sew in I guest-timated that starting 4 inches above the hem would be sufficient.  Lucky for me it was!

 There was really no method here. I simply tucked the fabric as I sewed it. Easy Peasy!

When it came to sewing from the gathering point to the arm I found myself doing a sew-and-check pattern. I would sew it then try it on and sew it again until I thought it looked right. It didn't take too many try's to get it the way I wanted.






I switched things up even more by doing the first step in the tutorial last. I know, I'm a rebel. That way, again, I could cut little by little until it looked the way I wanted it too. I like tees that fall off one shoulder so I prefer a bit of a wider neck.









FINISHED!! And I looooove it! This was SO easy to do and I can't wait to try it on all my other huge shirts!!

There are tons of other really great DIYs on that blog too that I hope to try eventually. That gal is so crafty!

The rest of my day was spent working on a fleece tie blanket to sell on my Etsy page as well as working on a flannel shirt that I had started for myself back at the beginning of the year. Most of the work was already done, it was just a matter of getting the sleeves finished, put on, and hemming the bottom. Such little work yet I'd put it off for this long! Shameful. And even though I wasn't able to finish it today it's now much closer to being done and I'm determined to get it done this week. Hopefully I'll even get to wear it now that the chilly weather is once again upon us.

So there you have it! One crafty Monday in the books! Hopefully the rest of my week will be just as productive!

the fear

I started going through some of my boxes that have been packed up since I moved home. It was time to get them into totes, throw away stuff I don't want, and organize my life. Part of it was to make more room in my step dad's man cave, part of it was to get ready for NYC. I have A LOT of crap.

As I was going through it all and thinking about where I would put these things in my NYC apartment, it slapped me a little. MY NYC APARTMENT. NYC. It scared me. I hadn't realized how comfortable I had gotten here. How normal it had become. I enjoy seeing the people in my life whenever I feel like. Or at least knowing that they're there. That won't be the case for much longer. And for the first time that's frightening me. I don't know if this is what cold feet feels like but I can imagine that it's similar. And so far it's not enough to keep me from going through with the move, but I fear that it will as November gets closer.

I know moving is a scary thing. Especially since I've chosen one of the biggest cities in the world. But there's something inside me that says I have to do this. And I hope that part stays stronger than this little fear creeping in. Even if I get there and decide to come back in a week.

I feel like this is going to get more stressful as the days go on.

Dear Blake Lively

Well done madam. Well done indeed.

love interruption

So I have a confession to make.....I LOVE Jack White's music. Yup, I said it. There something so dark and raw about his music that really captivates me. His first single from his new album Blunderbuss is one such a song so I thought I'd share my love for it with all y'all.

What makes this song even better is that the female vocalist is Ruby Amanfu, who was a contestant on The Sing Off....one of my fave fall shows last year. Her voice is so haunting and soulful so I'm glad to see her again.

To My Future Fun,

Can we make forts? Like full living room, or bedroom for that matter, sheet and pillow forts? 

I can't help but feel that they will be crucial to our marriage. 

And if you're the right man for me, 

you'll feel the same way.

Ever Yours,

Your Future Fun

the hits just keep on coming

You meet a guy. You start hanging out. You text all day long. You spend a good amount of time together. You tell him you're moving away in the fall. He sticks around. He says sweet things. You start to get comfortable.
 Then...at the bat of an eyelash he decides you should just be friends. That it would be better for both of you in the long run since your leaving. And the worst part is, that you can't help but agree with him. You know damn well that even if you're not "dating", even being friends, will make it more difficult come November. You can't be mad at him. It's only been a month. He's being logical and making the decision that you can't make yourself....or go through with for that matter. He's actually doing you a favor. You should be thanking him!

You know that you're perfectly capable of being friends. Why wouldn't you?? There aren't any hurt feelings or ill-will. Yet there always seems to be that little bit of sadness at the loss. And you know that at first it will be hard to go backwards to just friends. There's that backwards thing again. How do guys manage to do that so easily? I envy them.  I've been here before and this time is by far the easiest no doubt. But as usual my brain can not be shut off or slowed down. I catch myself thinking back at all the little things that were said. Small comments or jokes. I wonder again what the purpose for this person entering my life is. Does he need to serve a purpose? I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason....so I can't help but wonder. I'm sure I'm over-thinking.

So at the end of the day, I guess I'm just a little sad. But I do know that it's for the best. Timing is everything right? It just so happens that my timing is always impeccably off. I can only hope that that won't be the case someday.

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lost one

Recently a good friend of mine expressed that his girlfriend was not comfortable with our close friendship. We work together and have known each other for over a year now. In his words, "we have to be strictly business" from now on, no meaningful conversations or long talks anymore.

I'm devastated. Not only for the fact that I now have to act like I don't know this person, but because this isn't the first time this has happened to me. Several other male friends in my life have been given the ultimatum of "her or us" and obviously they always choose the "us". And it hurts. Every time. It makes me feel expendable as a person. Like the time we've spent getting to know each other and being there for one another means absolutely nothing in the long run. My time and emotions wasted.

Since this isn't the first time I've been in this position I find myself thinking the same thing as well. What should I do? Do I ignore the request of my friend because he doesn't even agree with it? Do I pretend we've never met? Should the anger inside me turn into it's usual sarcastic comments that fall out of my mouth like carbon dioxide? I don't know. I'm hurting. I'm mad. I'm confused as to why this person was introduced to my life only to be taken away. I do know that I'm not a fan of the pit in my stomach that occurs when we're at work together. That it hurts my heart when I have to ask him a question that only he can answer and I can't make eye contact with him. That I dread going to work in general because of the constant reminder that we are now acquaintances.

How are people supposed to go backwards in any relationship? Is it possible to pretend that we didn't share our deepest thoughts with each other? That we don't know each other as well as we do? That we feel important to each other?

I don't know the answer. I feel such a great sense of loss. As if there's been a death. And I guess there has been.

life...at the moment...

I'm busy still, but not nearly as busy as I was earlier this summer. The hotel is winding down, the show is into rehearsals and November(moving month) is getting closer and closer. I find myself spending more time at home, seeing my family a little more often, having moments of fun with my friends, new and old. My pace isn't nearly as fast and I'm feeling so much more at ease about everything. I can breath again.

Fall is finally here. Pumpkin things are popping up everywhere and we know how happy that makes me! I'm wearing my comfy clogs and drinking pumpkin spiced lattes often. I feel like my most self....if that makes sense. And being in the theatre contributes to that immensely. It's amazing the difference in my attitude about work when I'm doing the work that I love. It's not work at all. It's where I'm supposed to be. It's home. I love it.

I have time to knit again! I've missed it so much this summer. For some reason I had it in my head that I would have a lot of time to do my craftings while I was working 3 jobs. Wrong. So now that I actually have downtime again it's been so nice to get into it little by little. And boy do I have a lot of projects to start AND finish. The list goes on but I think I'll be able to get them done. Hopefully I'll have some to blog about soon too!

So that's what my life's about lately. I'm sure there will be much more going on here as the days go on. 

In a New York state of mind

The decision has been made. Come mid-November I will be making the move to the mecca of theatre, New York City!! It just feels right at this point in my life. I'm only 25, not married, and willing to work my ass off and live on ramen noodles. What more of a sign does a gal need?! While I had been leaning  towards this decision for a while it wasn't a definite thing until my best friend said she was coming along too. Even though I have a ton of friends there at the moment it just feels better knowing that I'm not going alone.
Is it still a little scary? Oh heck yes. But I'm really excited for the challenge. I've never even visited there so I don't have a clue if I'm even going to like it or not, though everyone tells me I will. My mom is slowly coming to terms with the idea but I think she acts more okay than she really is to show her support. The rest of my family is doing the same. I think they've come to realize that I'm going to do what I have to do regardless, and this is something that I really feel that I need to do.
I don't want to wake up one morning, be 45, and realize that I never even gave it a shot. The way I see it, even if I'm over the whole thing in a week, I can at least say that I tried. I took the leap. And what a leap it will be.
The idea of the high rent and general cost of living on top of my school loans is the thing that gives me the most anxiety. I'm so nervous that I'll get there and even 2 jobs won't be enough to keep my afloat. The last thing I want to do is fall back into debt and have to move back home to dig myself out. It was humiliating and disappointing enough 2 years ago.
So that's that! It's official! And I couldn't be more thrilled. The closer I get to November and the more I say it out loud the more tangible it seems. I'm really doing this. Come hell or high water (NOT an Isaac reference) and I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

last love

I had the pleasure of going out to lunch today with my ex, from high school. We broke up before going to college but have remained friends and try to get together at least once when we're in the same place. It's always nice to be able to catch up with each other.

He picked me up from work and as we were driving to the restaurant I couldn't help but have a thought. We were together for almost 2 years. We had been in this very position so many times. He in the driver seat; me in the passenger. It was familiar still, after all these years. But when I looked at him, really looked at him, I couldn't remember how it used to feel to be with him. I used to love this person for years of my life and now I have no idea what that felt like. He was my last love.
 
When I was young, and in love, I thought I would remember it forever. Every moment, every emotion, every detail. I was wrong. I thought there would definitely be some feelings of remembering, if I really thought about it. But there weren't.

I'm not sad or upset by this. I guess I'm just surprised. It was an unexpected absence. I don't remember what it's like to be in love with someone. And maybe that's okay. I can't help but feel like being in love in high school is worlds different from an adult love. But at the end of the day, it's still love. An adoration for someone. An intimacy.

And I can't help but wonder if I'll know it the next time it does come around. Will I recognize the feeling? If I don't will I miss it altogether? I hope not. Because I think that's something I want to have in the near future. Even if it hurts or doesn't work out in the end.

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw:

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."

Vacay preview

Here's a sneak peak of my family trip to Washington DC:

The Lincoln Memorial
The Hope Diamond
African Bush elephant in the rotunda of the Museum of Natural Science
An etching of words Lincoln spoke
The Washington Monument

the view from here

the horses where I nanny

morning in the dining room at the Athenaeum Hotel 

six mix 

voodoo doughnuts all the way from Portland Oregon

wild red raspberries

free time?

I can't believe we're almost through July. Where on earth did it go?? Going into this summer I thought for sure that I'd have some extra time on my hands to relax and sew and relax. So far that hasn't been the case. The hotel alone consumes even my days off. I've done a few projects that I'll hopefully be able to put up here soon but not nearly as many as I wanted to do. It makes me sad!! On the other hand there's definitely no time for boredom. So I guess it's not all bad.

Also on a positive note, I'll be joining my family on a trip to Arlington VA this weekend. A few months ago my great uncle passed away and had chosen to be buried in the National Cemetery. So this weekend we're going down for that. The D.C. area is one of my favorite places ever so I'm pretty excited not only to have some time off but to be in my favorite place with some of my favorite people. If we're really lucky maybe I'll have time to post pictures of the trip too!! A girl can dream.

To: My Eventual Last Boyfriend

Let me apologize in advance for some of the men before you. Not all were bad, but not all were right either. The reason for this? 

For most of my life I didn't believe you existed. And part of me is still skeptical. But more and more I feel myself wanting you to be out there, which makes me start to believe that you are. It's a strange feeling but I'm learning to embrace it little by little. 

So please don't let me down.

And I'll try to do the same by keeping the wrong men to a minimum.

Ever Yours,

Your Last Girlfriend

a wedding ring

While working at the hotel yesterday I was standing at the front desk when a woman came over and stood near me. For some reason I glanced down at her finger and noticed her wedding ring. A simple gold band. No diamonds, no platinum, no "rock". It made me think about how people think about the symbol of a wedding ring these days.

Now, this obviously doesn't apply to all married/engaged couples, and it's strictly my opinion, but I can't help but feel like there is a correlation between the ring to long lasting marraige ratio that has changed from years past. So often I notice that the marriages that have lasted the longest don't carry the biggest rings. When people were getting engaged in those days it didn't matter so much about how many carats a ring was. The important thing was the commitment that the ring represented. Now a days I feel like most women are disappointed if their ring isn't visible from the moon...like the person giving it to them doesn't love them enough. And beyond that, if it's not something that their friends will oooh and aaah over then it's not worthy of their finger.

When did carats become a measurement of love?

And like I said, I know this doesn't pertain to a lot of people. I have a handful of friends who have really great committed marriages that come with big rocks too. If you have the means, by all means! I guess I just see too often that other people who are more concerned about how big their ring is, usually don't have marriages that last.

So as I looked at that simple gold band on the woman's finger, I decided, if and when I get engaged, I know it will be for the man, not for the ring. While it's a wonderful symbol of love and commitment, it doesn't make up for love and commitment if it's not already a part of a relationship.

decision

I made one!

I decided that instead of moving away (location still TBD) right away in the fall, that I'm going to stay in town long enough to work at JCC again. They are doing Legally Blonde which for those of you that don't know, is a super huge Broadway show. I mean, it's B-I-G. Big sets, big costumes, big songs, and big dance numbers. Did I mention that it was big?? Oh and everything is PINK! So, so pink. It's gonna be rough but I'm really looking forward to the challenge.

I had been contemplating this decision for a while. The show runs into the second week of November, right before the holidays. The idea of staying here that long and having the holidays around the corner made me a little convinced that when the time came I would postpone my moving again. Which is not something I want. So a couple weeks ago my moms best friend was visiting and I explained my predicament to her. She looked at me and said "I don't think so". Just like that. She went on to say that knowing how I am and how determined I am to make this happen she doesn't believe that I will allow myself to get stuck and not make the move. She was the first person to say that to me. It was exactly what I needed. Just hearing her say that put my mind at ease and I knew she was right. I am extremely determined to take this big step so I have to believe that I won't let the pending holidays keep me from going through with it.

So the decision was made to stay for Legally Blonde. And if you see me wearing this shirt on a weekly basis, now you know why!

And if you're in town and want to get involved in some capacity, let me know! Any and all actors, helpers, etc are welcome!

so fresh and so clean clean

oooooo-weeeeeeee

I did it. I made the leap and combined my 2 blogs. {cheers!}

It took a good deal of figuring and copy and pasting and changing around but I think I like what I've come up with. It's much more me. And now my craft blog won't be so left out of the loop, thank goodness.

Some things may still change in the next week or so but for the most part this blog will be about my life(still), which includes being a crafter! Why I every tried to separate the two, I will never know.

So yeah, join me on this new little adventure of mine. It should be a good one.

blog envy

I find myself having a serious case of blog envy lately. As I scroll through the blogs I follow on bloglovin' I read new posts and catch up on what's going on in their lives, the usual, but lately I've also been exploring their blogs too. But my exploring comes with a feeling of longing. I love the way those blogs look and more importantly, feel. They are simple and personal and unique to that person.
Then I look at my own blog. And while I like the way mine looks, I don't like it nearly as much. It doesn't feel like me. Parts of it do but it doesn't feel like a very strong identity. And I don't know how to fix that. The last thing I want to do is steal someone elses look or ideas. I want it to be my own. I want it to feel like me.
So I guess I'm trying to say that things may be changing around here. And not just the look of things. I think the direction of this blog needs to become clearer. So far it's been a lot about my opinions and thoughts. Who cares? Should I care if anyone cares? I don't know. I have another blog as well that I've been neglecting lately (mostly because I haven't had a lot of time to craft therefore nothing much to write about). Should I combine the two? Having them separate allows me to express two sides of myself separately as well so maybe it would be more difficult to combine them. I guess I've got to figure it out.
And to my fellow bloggers and non-bloggers even, if you have any suggestions or advice I'd really appreciate it. What are your tricks and tips? What editing programs/sites do you like to use? I'm not the most technological so all help is welcome!

Thanks friends

the next month

I can't believe it's already June. wth! It snuck up on me today when I was looking at Caden's school calendar to see then he would start summer break. As I found the date a voice in my head said "Hey, after June comes July". Now I know that seems fairly obvious but this July is going to be a little different from my past two.

just a couple of clowns

Starting July 1st I will no longer be a full time nanny. I'll still be part time to help out with chores and entertaining the kids so our mom-to-be can rest or get other things done easier. But I won't be there every day. It's scary just typing it. This is what I've known for almost 2 years now and the idea of not seeing these kids as often is really starting to affect me. Deep down I know it's my time to move on and get my life back on track, but boy am I going to miss them. {The tears are welling} I've watched them both grow up so much and Mikenna and I have become particularly close. We went to Pre-K this year and what a blessing that has been as well. Tomorrow is our last day and I'm really sad about it. I've come to know the other women in the class and really enjoy their opinions and input. It's as if this is my last month in high school again and everything is important to take in and remember forever. 

Beyond all these emotional feelings, this next month will have some big decisions in it as well. I still haven't heard from any theatres about a job which means Plan B will shortly be in affect. The biggest problem with that being.....I NEED to pick a place to move to. There are a few places on the table: NYC, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Chicago and Charlotte and the front runners. All places where I have friends, all places with plenty of theatres. Decisions decisions. The thing that makes is somewhat difficult to choose is, I don't really know how to set them apart or rank them really. Sure some would be more expensive than others or seem more dangerous but I don't want those to be factors in my choice. So I guess I need to figure out what DOES factor into making my choice. Maybe that will be what June is for. Deciding what it is that I'm looking for in a location. Figuring out which place will best fit me and vice versa.

cry baby

It seems like over the last couple months I have been the biggest crier I know!! It's so strange! Sure I cry now and then, usually in a private place. Like a downpour almost. I'd have one big super cry and then be fine for months. No big deal. But like I said, over the last couple months I find myself getting teary over all sorts of things! Last weeks episode of Glee have me sniffling away. Last night I watched the move "Imagine", which is a documentary about John Lennon for those of you who don't know (great movie), and was a teary fool. Last weekend a chef friend of my told me that he's been invited to serve a dinner at the James Beard house...huge tears rolled down my cheeks...of joy of course. I don't know what's come over me.

It all seems to have started after a saddening situation happened. I cried for a few days. Not minutes, days. It was odd. Now ever since then I find myself getting jerked up a few times a week. When I told me sister about it she said "well you're growing up and changing". Is this really what happens?? You turn 25 and the faucet gets turned on? I don't remember signing up for that.

Another part of me can't help but feel that instead of it being a "grown up" thing, maybe it's more of a "opening up" thing. Maybe I've come to a place in my life where I'm allowing myself to feel more emotions and react more openly to things, whether they're good or bad. And I think that's an okay thing. Maybe I've been more emotionless than I knew all these years. Who knows.

unsaid

So much of what we live goes on inside–

The diaries of grief, the tongue-tied aches

Of unacknowledged love are no less real
For having passed unsaid. What we conceal
Is always more than what we dare confide.
Think of the letters that we write our dead.

-Dana Gioia

big changes?

I made the decision a few months ago that I will be moving away in the fall sometime. I've been living at home for 2 years now and I can't help but feel like it's time to move on and get to doing something with my degree again and this area just isn't the place to do that. While there are some theatre opportunities here there isn't anything that could be full time or enough to really sustain me. It was a tough decision but I think it will be for the best.

So, for the past couple months I've also been applying at theatres all over the country.  At this stage in the game I don't really have anything tying to down to one certain place so I'm ready to go anywhere. Needless to say I was very excited about receiving an email to set up a phone interview with a theatre in Washington DC a couple weeks ago. The interview came and went and as far as I could tell it went well. Apparently it didn't matter either way though because I never heard back from them and it's been 2 weeks now.

I was so excited to even have a theatre be interested and I couldn't help but feel like it was a sign that I was doing the right thing. Now that I've been ignored all together I can only think that maybe I was wrong. Maybe this decision isn't the right one. Maybe I'm supposed to stay here. But that idea really does sadden me. Not because I really hate living here, more because I have this underlying feeling that there are many other places for me to be before I settle down here, if I ever do. I'm 25. I'm not married. I don't have children. Why shouldn't I get up and go, see new things, meet new people?

So now I'm always contemplating. Was this the right choice? If I go through with it will I fall flat on my ass and have to move back again? Is this place supposed to be my home for the rest of my life? If it is, what the heck am I supposed to do with myself?? I chose to get a degree in something I love and want to do as a career...was that a mistake?

I'm ready for a big change, but is that what life wants for me too?

let's be honest

Here's a subject that I've been thinking about lately....Baby Talk.

I think people, girls in particular, have forgotten how to use baby talk in it's proper form. It's simple really. The name says it all. BABY talk. If you aren't a BABY you shouldn't be talking like one! Like I said, simple.

Nothing drives me more insane that hearing a grown woman talking like a babbling idiot because she thinks it's cute to do so. It's not cute. You sound like an idiot. I guess it's one thing if you're actually talking to a baby, but even that's a stretch for me. When I talk to babies I imagine them feeling insulted if I try to talk like a baby at them. And how else will they learn how to speak correctly themselves??

I've found that there is one place in particular where the usage of such talking is above and beyond annoying...the workplace. It's like SERIOUSLY?? You're gonna be in a position of authority over me, expect me to respect you, and all the while talk to me like you just learned how to speak? If that's the case I'm going to assume that you just learned how to wipe your own butt too. It's just unacceptable.

Don't get me wrong, I know some people have speech impediments or do it goofing around now and then. But if you're going to go through your life saying things like "otay", "sowwy", and "pwease" on a regular basis you better not expect much from me other than some pretty nasty looks. You sound like a child so I'm going to go ahead and treat you as such. Plain and simple.

NOT sexy

And to the men of the world....do I even need to go there??  Come on.


Let's be honest, people who go about their lives speaking like this act like children and those that respond to it are as well. It's time to grow up, put on your big girl pants, and speak like an adult. Not a 2 year old.

the view from here

Miss Mikenna looking like Cindy Loo Who

My whale wellies

Words of wisdom with my morning tea

Tulip in bloom

Favorite Things

Time for some of my faves! I've decided to not do these posts once a week so I can have a better list for yous! So here it goes!

• INSTAGRAM!!!! I was so elated when I found out that I could finally have this app for my droid! My life is so full of square, vintage looking photos and I'm loving it! find miss_trostle if you'd like in on the fun! :)
•  In my recent attempts to be a healthy me I found this glorious website from a facebook friend of mine! It's called MyFitnessPal and it's a free food and fitness tracker! It's been super helpful as far as trying to control my eating habits and particularly how much I eat.
• The Avengers!!! Good lord....I can't even get into how great this movie is. I saw it twice last weekend...let that say enough. obsessed.
• warm weather! I think it's here to stay finally and I'm loving it. For real.
• Mixing and matching bright, bold colors. I bought a pair of turquoise jeans a couple weeks ago and I've loved exploring different looks with them. 
• gearing up for my summer job and all the craziness that comes along with it. As stressful as it always gets, I always enjoy it somehow. 
• Tuesdays: I love the tradition of taking Mikenna to pre-school during the day and at night getting to watch my fave shows (Glee and New Girl) with my bestest pals.
• watching movies on vhs! need I say more? 
• drinking water. ok, so maybe the actual action isn't my fave but seeing the results has been pretty great. My skin feels better and it just feels good to know that I'm getting as much as I should.

goodbye dreams

Last night I went to a viewing for a woman who I had worked with at my summer job for 3 years, Mickey. It wasn't until my second summer that I really got onto her radar and unfortunately it wasn't in a good way. I wasn't the best employee, I'll admit it, and I gave her reason enough to get on my back more than once. Last year I was given the chance to make up for it and by the end of the summer Mickey and I were actually quite friendly and worked really well together. I proved to her that I wasn't a total waste of time and she trusted me with some pretty important events. We had come to a really great place. 

You can imagine my surprise and sadness when I found out that she had passed and last night was not an easy thing to go through. It was hard to realize that she wouldn't be around anymore and as I stood with my other co-workers we shared stories from our time with her and gave plenty of hugs.

This morning when I woke up it took a couple minutes but all of a sudden I remembered a dream I had last night, a very rare occurrence for me. I was at some kind of gathering and Mickey was there too. At one point we had moment to ourselves and we shared a very warm hug. She went on to tell me about how happy she had become over the last year or so and we walked back towards the gathering with an arm around each other. And that's all. It gave me such a feeling of comfort and relief.

Thinking back this isn't the first dream I've had like this. About 4 years ago I lost a dear friend in a car accident. It brings me to tears to this day. About a year ago I had a dream one night that we were together and shared a hug that felt so real and warm that I woke up thinking it had really happened. But instead of making me feel sad it gave me such joy to have that feeling again. I've missed being able to hug him so having the vivid of a dream about it was so wonderful.

I don't think these dreams make me some kind of medium or anything. I will say though that they happen to come along just at the right time and I can't help but feel like they are my chance to say goodbye to someone who I didn't get to in person. And that's pretty priceless.

To My Future Mustache-kini

I'll love you forever.

For real. 

Love always,

Your mustache lover

lightnin' strikes

Growing up my family used to go camping every summer with some family friends. All weekend the radio in the pavilion would play the oldies radio station. I loved it. One of my particular favorites was Lightnin' Strikes by Lou Christie. The minute I hear that song I immediately think about swimming in Lake Erie, making mountain pies over a fire, playing sneaks at night, and drinking orange creamsicles. On this very snowy day (that's right, inches of snow in April) I could really use some summer and I know I can't be the only one!

Gotta love a man in a jean outfit with a full beard singing falsetto!

in-betweener

I'm realizing these last couple months that I've become an in-betweener for guys. They send me naughty little texts when they are on their 500th "break" with their girlfriend. They flirt it up and make it seem like they're interested while they still aren't sure about another girl that they've started seeing. After they get out of a relationship they want to hang out before they move on to their next legit relationship. Almost every guy I've dated has either broken up with me for someone else or after we've broken up has a much more substantial relationship with their next girlfriend.

wtf?

Don't get me wrong, I know that half of it is my own fault, but more often than not I never see it coming. It's as if my standards are just low enough to let these guys in under the radar and then I'm totally stunned when it happens...again.

I'm sick of it. I want to be the first draft pick. I want to be chosen by choice, not default or convenience. Not someones fallback when they're bored or hot and bothered. It's not fair to myself.

In high school and for the first part of college my standards were pretty high and most everyone that knew me, knew that about me. Looking back now I'm not exactly sure when they started sinking. It looks like an avalanche though. One loud noise and down they tumbled.  It wasn't until last year that I started to really feel/see the consequences of it too. Since then I've made some changes in how I go about men and I'm starting to see the standard bar raise little by little. But like anything, it takes work. It's so much easier for the wall to fall than it is to build it.

No more in-betweening for me. I'm over it.

timing...

...is a real bitch.

You meet(or re-meet) someone. They are just what you're looking for. Things are going in a great direction. Then the elephant in the room reveals itself. Timing. All the other elements work together so well, but the timing isn't right. You try to ignore it for as long as you can, but it's always there...staring at you...reminding you of how important it is. Until you can't ignore it anymore. You have to face it, acknowledge it, and...and what? What then? Do you turn around and walk away, give up on the idea all together? Keep trying to ignore it? I don't know. I do know that it's not a happy position to be in. Not happy at all.

rainbows

Today is a glorious day! It is a glorious day because I was finally able to get my brand new pair of rainbows out!! I bought them at the end of last summer and immediately stowed them away...it wasn't worth having them get all dirty. So today they finally went outside and man does it feel good. If any of you own a pair, you know what I'm talking about. My feet and I couldn't be happier and i can't wait till they start to get worn in and comfy.

Nothing beats a great pair of flip flops. Nothing.

sickness = selfishness?

I don't get sick very often.  A cold twice a year is pretty much it. So when I do come down with something it's almost as if I forget that I'm sick and that my body needs rest. I try to go about life as usual and by about the third day I'm absolutely exhausted and worn down. And even then I don't usually take the time to stop and rest. It's as if there's a small voice somewhere in my head telling me that if I'm not busy doing something productive then I'm wasting time. That if I stop and take some time to rest, I'm being selfish. Sounds a little silly I know.

So, now that I'm aware of this silly voice, I think It's time to silence it. My body is fighting a battle right now so it's ok to feel tired.  It's ok to rest.

It's amazing, the things you learn when you're 25. ha.

the d word

diet.

there. I said it.  I shuttered a little. but I said it.

I am on a diet.

My usual outlook on food and fitness is, work out often and eat what you like. And this usually works fairly well for me. But for the last couple months I've noticed that it hasn't exactly been working out, mostly because I don't get to work out as often as usual. To make matters worse, I have a nasty habit of eating way too much, like past the point of full too much. It's not good. And I love to snack...and snack.....and snack. All in all I was spending my days snacking, never actually feeling hungry, and of course, eating all the wrong things. And since I continued to eat however I liked, I could start to see the consequences. I wasn't getting fat by any means, but I could definitely see things starting to change, and not in a way that I liked. 

No Bueno.

So I decided that something needed to be done about it. I've done the Special K diet before so I thought would do it again. The idea of having a set plan with certain things to eat really works for me because if given the choice between a cheeseburger or a protein shake, I'M GONNA CHOOSE THE CHEESEBURGER. Simple as that.

Two weeks in and I think I'm starting to see some results. It's been one of those "one good choice leads to another" kind of things too. My none special k meals each day have been fairly healthy and if they're not I'm not eating like there's no tomorrow. I drink a lot of water. And now that my one job is winding down I can get the gym more often. Three pounds in two weeks....I can handle that. More importantly though, I see myself learning to have self control about eating and food and that's what I really want to gain. So when I feel like I can go off the diet I'm ready to continue the idea of eating good things, and eating in moderation. To me that's much more valuable than losing weight.

So wish me luck. Lately I've been feeling good mentally about it which makes me very vulnerable to cheating and eating naughty things. But I'm determined to stick with this. My body deserves it!!

Favorite Things

It's been tooooo long so I have plenty of favorite things these days! And here they are!

• Pinterest. duh.
• The gorgeous weather we've been having! I swear if it snows again after this I'll move away immediately.
• Yogi Tea! I love the little quotes on the bag's tag. So far my fave is The Green Tea with Pomegranate. 
• Being immersed in the theatre again.
• Putting some really old CD's in my car to listen to. Oh man, my taste in music was strange...and slightly gangster.
• Returning to the Green Monster every morning.
• Playing outside with the kids. It's just so much better than being stuck in the house all day.
• Draw Something. I'm addicted. 
• Fresh Strawberry hand sanitizer from Bath and Body Works. It's so summery and perfect. (They have a ton of other great summer scents too!)
• My new purse from Old Navy. It's blue and white striped (of course) and I can't want to carry it with a cute summer dress.
• Getting free stuff!! Who doesn't love free stuff??

If you can't tell I'm VERY ready for summer to be here. It really can't come soon enough. 

25

It happened. A few weeks ago by now, but it happened. I turned 25. A quarter of a century.

HOLY CRAP I'M OLD!!!
Ok, so I'm not that old. But when you're growing up, 25 feels like such a far away age. Like it will take you forever to get there. But here it is, 2012 and I'm 25. The more I type it, the more it sinks in.

I spent my weekend in the best possible way...with my family and friends and at the theatre too. Nothing extravagant or over the top. It was perfect. I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm a bit of a birthday Scrooge. I almost become shy and embarrassed when people wish me a happy birthday or get me gifts. (Although my dad did get me a really gorgeous diamond necklace that I wasn't too embarrassed to receive. I was in shock and awe!) I'm not entirely sure what that's about though. I'm not a shy person, nor do I often avoid being the center of attention(yup, I said it) but there's something about Birthday attention that makes me withdrawn. I think it may have to do with my past birthdays. Looking back at turning 24 all I can think about is how the person I chose to spend my day with, is no longer in my life. And unfortunately there are many other birthdays that I can say the same thing about. Now I'm sure it's a good thing that those people are no longer in my life, but it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I think it makes me afraid or skeptical to enjoy the day with other people, even the people who I know aren't going anywhere. So yeah...simple was best.

Another thing about being 25. It seems like every year someone asks me "so how does it feel now that you're (insert new age)"? Every year my answer is, "same as before" because it does. There's never been some changeful feeling on the day or after my birthday. It just comes and goes. But this year. This year was different. I felt it the day before my birthday actually. Like a nudge. A nudge telling me to turn around and look where I've been. Who I've been. And not just then but in reference to who and where I am now. To recognize the difference between the two. So I did. And you know what happened? I felt different. I felt 25. Not like the 10 year old girl just learning how to sew from her grandma, or the 15 year old girl dealing with the aftermath of a house fire and her parents divorcing, or the 18 year old girl packing up and moving to Florida for college, or the 21 year old leaving the country for the first time to go to Egypt, or even the 24 year old realizing that she needed to change the way she went about some things in her life. No. Now I feel like the 25 year old girl who has gone through all those things and more and learned so much along the way. The girl who, having learned from those things, feels more ready than ever to continue on in this life journey and see what else there is. It's cloudy and exciting all at once.

So here's to my 25th year. I anticipate some big changes and hopefully even more love and laughter than my previous years. Cheers.

To My Future Type,

Lately I've been thinking about what type of guy you'll be. Looking back at my list of exes there isn't really much that they have in common, other than being the wrong guy as my mom would point out. But other than that, it's pretty spread across the board. Nerdy guys, alpha athletic types, quiet anti-socials and preps. Tall, short, skinny and not. There's even a wizard in there (yeah....high school). Point is, when I think about you, I can't help but wonder what type you'll turn out to be. Will you be the type that's man enough to wear a bow tie on any old day? Or the type that will embrace and support my love of Jason Mraz's music? Will you be the type that will dedicate your Sundays to church and football with me? Or will you the type who will dance with me in public places just for fun? Perhaps you'll be the guy whose hands will always be a little dirty from working with them every day? Or the type who can make any group of people laugh with your wit and charm?

Maybe you'll be all of those things in one wonderful package. Are my hopes too high for wanting that? Regardless, I look forward to finding out someday. Until then, take the time to figure it out and be confident about it. It'll come in handy by the time we meet.

Love always,

Your future little bit of everything

march

I can't believe it's already March. It seems like February flew by....even WITH  an extra day!  Did you say Rabbit Rabbit?? Did it work for you, looking back on your month? I hope so. I can honestly say that I think it worked for me! I got hired for a third job as the Stage Manager at the community college in my town, I won a drawing from Pushups with Polish, I spent my Valentine's Day with my best friends, and I got my tax return. All pluses in my book!

On a different note, I've been applying for theatres lately. Theatres away from home. So far it's been fairly daunting. There isn't much out there that pays enough for me to make most of a living on, which is somewhat frustrating. I'm pretty determined though. In May it will be 2 years since I moved home and by the time i hopefully move in the Fall I feel like that will have been more than enough time for me. Of course it's been wonderful living rent free and being able to live near my family, and who knows, maybe someday I'll decide that this is where I want to settle down and raise childrens, but right now, at this moment in my life, I can't help but feel like there is so much out in the world that I need to see and experience. I've got no strings, no weights to hold me here. So fly I must. Maybe to NYC, maybe to the West, who knows. I just know that I don't want to look back at my twenties and feel like I could have done so much more with them. So I search. and search. and search some more. Looking through theatre's websites, trying to find any indication that they might need me. Emailing production staff and managers, selling myself to them in the nicest way possible. Hoping they'll like what they read and offer me a decent amount of money. I mean, as much as I'd love to volunteer for theatres, I gots bills to pay! I don't know anyone who can live in $75 a week! sheesh. So, if you wouldn't mind sending some good theatre vibes my way, I'd really appreciate it. Or if you happen to know a sugar daddy that could work too!

Another thing rolling around in my head lately is thinking about where I was in my life a year ago. There was someone. Someone who, I thought, had the potential to be rather significant to me. It was new and exciting and I couldn't wait to see where it would go. Obviously now I know where it went. Nowhere. But it changed me. Changed the way I went about things with men in particular. Looking back I'm not bitter about it ending. It's more significant to me because it was the last time I felt that way. And now it's been a year. When he and I met, I wanted to be single. I chose that because I wanted it and when he came along I started to change my mind...because of him though, not because of me. Now I feel myself not wanting to be single so much. I've forgotten what it's like to have that person to rely on and cherish. Now, am I going out and searching for it in bars and at gyms? No. I don't have the time for all that. But I think being in that mental place is a step in the right direction. A step I haven't actually chosen in a very long while. And I'm not gonna lie, it does make me feel a little lonely at times, but that's what best friends and ice cream is for right?!

So yeah, that's what's up.

It occurred to me recently that while many of you readers know me, there may be some of you that don't. And for those of you who don't, I hadn't really given you much to get to know me by, let alone why this blog even exists.

Shame on me.

So i decided to take the time to fix that and make my 'about' tab into more of an introduction than a list of posts. I feel like it serves the blog and you readers much better this way.

And of course I went ahead and changed the look of things again.{oopsy} I think I'll be sticking with this for a while though. I like it much more than the other header.

Onward and Upward!!

those days

You know those days when your eyes feel scratchy when you wake up because you didn't get enough sleep? When every little thing drives you to insanity? When 9am rolls around and you're already ready for a nap? Those days when hibernation seems like a great idea and you fully understand why gerbils eat their own young?

YUP....it's one of those days.

deep breathes.....deeeeeeep breathes.....

love. love. love.

Being a single lady, I've decided that Valentine's Day(tomorrow!! February is moving at a rapid pace!) needs to be more than a day to remind me of my single status. What exactly is the point of wallowing in bitterness over the fact that I haven't met anyone special enough to change my facebook status for yet? Pointless indeed. So instead of hating Valentine's Day I'm choosing to take a little love and make a little love.

First, I read this blog this morning and couldn't help but feel inspired and warm inside. I feel like more people should be finding ways to love themselves...and not just in the ways of shopping or eating their favorite junk foods. I fell like loving yourself can have a lot to do with slowing down and enjoying the little things...finding the things that really fulfill you in a way that nothing else can. And not feeling guilty or selfish for it. I think all too often people are so busy attending to everyone else's needs and wants that they don't take the time for themselves that they need to. One of the most important lessons I learned in college was to "take care of you".

If you don't love yourself, how will anyone else love you too?

Secondly, I feel like everyone needs to feel a little love, even if it's from a total stranger. And what better way than in a love letter?? For the last month or so I've been hearing about this organization called The World Needs More Love Letters through my friend Francie and The Violet. Long story short, you can sign up to become a writer of love letters or request a love letter for yourself or someone you know who needs one. If you want to write them, each month the site will send you the info for someone who needs one. You write the letter, send it to the organization, and they send it with others to the recipient. So for the cost of a stamp you can send your love to someone who truly needs it, in one of the most personal ways possible. The whole concept really tugs at my heart strings so I subscribed today and can't wait to be a part of it! And I encourage you to do the same.

So, whether you're single or not, I challenge you to spread a little love, not only tomorrow but on a daily basis!

Because, in the words on Sir Paul McCartney, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

knitting hiatus...

...IT'S OVER!! Yaaaay!!!!

I'm so glad I decided to take the month off. I needed a break from knitting. It was getting redundant and almost boring for me. But now! Now after my month off I'm SO ready and excited to get back to it! And I'm feeling so inspired to try new patterns and broaden my knitting horizons!

But as always, there are plenty of projects that I've started and I'm determined to finish them first! So yesterday I got back to working on a hat that I had started in December for myself. I wanted to get it done by a certain deadline but wasn't able to so it got pushed to the back burner.

Unfortunately I spent so much time away from this hat that I don't remember what pattern I was using. Something online I think since there wasn't one in the bag I had it in. Regardless I'm not too worried about figuring it out. A hat is a hat is a hat.

And YES it's Miami Dolphins colors! I was trying to finish it in time for the game I went to back in December but I was only able to finish the fingerless gloves. But I'm still determined to get it finished this time around! That way I can wear it next year if I go in December again.

I'm also thoroughly inspired by the fact that all of my friends seem to be having babies lately!! Which means baby knitting for Sarah!! So far I've only made baby sized hats so I'm very very excited to dive into some new patterns!

And speaking of new patterns, I found this book at Joanns the other day!! Now usually when I flip through a pattern book I'm lucky if I find 2 or 3 patterns that I like. Well that was not the case with this book! I think I like atleast 55 of the 60 patterns. And the other 5 I'm sure I could modify to my liking too. I was thrilled when I found it.

So needless to say, I can't wait to start picking out patterns to make. I have 2 friends who are about to have baby girls so it will be so fun to make some cute stuff for both of them! Now I just need some friends to have boys so I can make cute boy stuff too!!

Yay for knitting again!! I also hope to learn how to crochet this month too. I've been wanting to learn and I tried it one night a while ago but I wasn't' exactly sure if I was doing anything right or not. I think I'll have better luck with someone else there to show me what the right and wrong way looks like. Regardless I'm very excited to learn!

happy february

Rabbit, Rabbit!

In college, an English professor told me that in order to have a month of good luck you should say 'Rabbit, Rabbit' on the first of every month. And if you don't say it, well lucky for you if you say it backwards on the last day of the month then you'll still have good luck!

I don't know that it's ever really mattered but oh well. Who couldn't use a little good fortune right??

I'm wearing red lipstick today. Why you ask? Well why not! I've never been a red lipstick wearer. I've always been a little intimidated of it to be honest. Something told me it wasn't a look I could pull off. But the other day I said to myself, well why the hell not?? So today, while doing laundry and other things around the house, I'm wearing bright red lipstick!

And you know what, I think I like it.

let's be honest

disclaimer: this may become an on going series of posts that include my opinion on things that I observe in everyday life. it is strictly that...my opinion. nothing i say is meant to offend anyone. it's simply the way i see things. :) thanks for understanding!

Let's address a topic that I've had an issue with for years now: Pigtails.

I could go on for days. All too often do I see women my own age and older with this hair style and all I can' think to myself is "How on earth can you expect ANYONE to take you as a serious human being when you walk out the door with your hair like that??" It's absolutely ridiculous. After the age of 10 I feel like pigtails should be banned from the hairstyle repertoire, especially if you're going out into public. If your sitting around the privacy of your own home, pigtail away, but if you want to be out in the world and seen as a functioning citizen of society DO NOT think that pigtails are the way to go.

Now, of course I'm not banning all pigtails and there are very certain and specific circumstances where pigtails are acceptable. Let's look at the examples.

 Babies: Do I even need to explain myself?? These babies are adorable in their tiny pigtails! And they obviously love wearing them! If that doesn't just melt your heart then nothing will!

Just precious. So innocent and wispy and AGE APPROPRIATE!! How society has managed to ruin such a symbol of youth just blows my mind. It's shameful.

French Braid Pigtails: ONLY acceptable on athletes and incorporated in an up-do. For athletes it's a hairstyle of function, not fashion. It's a great way to get your hair out of your face and off your neck for your sport. I feel like volleyball players in particular who have this do become more intimidating than childish. Get it Girls!!
As Kate Hudson and Sarah Michelle Gellar have pulled off, the french braided pigtails when swept into a chic up-do are youthful without become kinky or childish. And when paired with the right outfit you can either make it look sleek and classy or messy and casual. Either way the hair is still slightly sophisticated.



Costume: This is still a bit of a stretch for me but I can't judge too much since even I as a young college girl, thought it was appropriate to pull this off for a Halloween. I can't say that I'm proud of my decision.
So, I suppose this hair is alright as a costume for that ONE day a year. And again I can't help but feel like a 20-something is more able to wear it successfully as opposed to a 40-50 year old. I don't want the visual image anymore. Moving on.
Outside of Halloween, the only other time this hair/outfit combo is acceptable is in the privacy of one's bedroom! Keep it to yourself and your man!! And if you feel the need to take pictures of yourself, DO NOT put them on facebook. No one wants it and you just look like a big slut. Those are the facts Jack.

Rachel Green:  Come on, it's Jennifer Aniston. She can do no wrong. Soooo maybe I'm a little biased since I'm Team Aniston but I don't think anyone can pull the tails off quite like Jen. I could be because they are down and not dangling over her ears. Regardless, I'll let it slide.

TEAM ANISTON FOREVER!!







Alright, now that we've seen the good, you know I can't just end the post without pointing out the bad. Oh it's so bad.

 I could vomit. Now I know I'm going to seriously upset some people with what I'm about to say, my own family included, so to all you Abbey lovers, you might just want to skip this section.

I HATE ABBEY!!!!! Ugh. that felt good. Let's be absolutely honest for a moment. NO government agency, of any kind, would allow a professional to dress like this in their workplace! NONE! Yes I know, it's just a show, but come on. How am I supposed to take this show seriously when they've got this clown running around in her pigtails and spiked chokers. SERIOUSLY?!?! ish.

A pair of ass clowns. In both life and their choice of hair style. Sure Britney was young at the time but it was NOT a good example for girls in those days. And I can't help but feel like it brought the pigtail craze back. Tori Spelling.....it's not even worth it. 

 Can we say Daddy issues??? Geez Louise. If you do this to yourself the morning, look in the mirror and tell yourself that this is the do for you.....you're delusional. How could anyone expect to be taken seriously looking like this??

REALLY???? Is this a joke??? This hair is BARELY acceptable on Willie Nelson(a stretch for sure) but with a dress shirt and tie nonetheless. Either you have no friends or your have very awful friends because obviously not one of them cares about you enough to stop you from this train wreck of a photo.



So let's be honest. Pigtails are more unacceptable than they are acceptable. If you're not a baby, Jennifer Aniston, or a professional beach volleyball player, keep the tails in your home! No one wants to see them and you look like an adult child. Not a good look.

Friends don't let friends wear pigtails.

self survey

My best came across this little survey the other day here and filled it out in her own blog. It's a collection of questions meant to help you survey your life and where it's going. It seems fitting for me as I'm starting to look to the future and what that will look like. So here they are:

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? 21 or 22. Still in that middle phase of not being a child but not quite feeling like an adult yet.
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Never trying. If you never try things you won't know what you're truly capable of.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? I think it becomes a sense of necessity. People aren't encouraged enough to find the things they love to do and make a living out of them, so often we find whatever will make us money whether we like it or not. Then years down the road we realize that we are miserable and don't know how we got ourselves into such a hole.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? I hope not but looking back at my life currently that might be the case.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? People's hateful attitudes. It's ignorant and pointless.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Any work involving helping others and spreading some love!
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? Settling currently. While I do enjoy my work on some level, it's not entirely fulfilling.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I'd start expressing my true feelings more. I would stop being afraid of them and really embrace them I'd stop worrying about my loans and just do what I love.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? The majority but there have been curve balls along the way that I had no say over. 
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing things right. I feel like there is this path I "need" to take instead of "should" be taking.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? I mention that she is my friend and ask that they kindly stop. I would hope that she would do the same for me.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? laugh as often and as hard as possible.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? It would depend on the situation but more likely than not.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? Two Words....Lady Gaga.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? View relationships. I have a pretty old school idea of how relationships should go and I don't think many people feel the same way.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? Because everyone's unique in what gets them going.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? Pack up and travel somewhere without a plan. It's frightening! And potentially expensive.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Yes.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? State- Georgia. It was always where I said I was going to live when I was little. Not too hot, not too cold. Country- Greece. I've never been but it seems gorgeous and so natural still.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? No. I came to terms with the way elevators are many many years ago. Sit back and enjoy the ride.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Joyful simpleton. Worrying is a terrible disease.
22. Why are you, you? I'm a product of my childhood and my parents. They set me up with a great foundation that I've been building on throughout my life. And no matter what I put on top of it, I've always got that foundation that will never change.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? I'd like to think so. I try to treat others the way I want to be treated.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch with a near by friend. If it's a true friend no amount of distance will effect your friendship.
25. What are you most grateful for? Living in a country where I'm free to pursue whatever I want!
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? Lose the old ones.
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? Yes.
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? Not yet.
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? No. No.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? Sunday lunches at my Gramps' house. It was a family tradition that kept us all close and after my Gramps died we stopped doing it.
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? When I'm working in a theatre, doing what I love.
32. If not now, then when? SOON.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? Not a damn thing.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Yes. Those are the best.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Because religions tend to have blinders on their love and they want everyone else to love the same way. There isn't enough tolerance included in their love.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? Yes.
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Only to start another one.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work I enjoy. I'm a much more productive when I'm busy AND loving what I'm doing.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? YES and it's frustrating.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? Too long ago.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? My family.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? No. Neither will get your anywhere.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Being alive is functioning normally from day to day...just surviving. Truly living is enjoying your life and thriving in what you do.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? When it becomes stressful to calculate.
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? Sometimes even though we've learned from a mistake we feel some shame in it.
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Say bold things. Wear crazy clothes. Fall on my ass.
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? A few nights ago when I had trouble falling asleep.
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? Theatre. Crafting. My friends. Yes Yes and Yes!
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? Probably not. Unless is something specific I wrote about in my blog.
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? More than ever I feel like I'm making decisions for myself. And it feels great. 

What an eye opening survey. Even if you don't fill it out for all to see, I encourage you to ask yourself these questions. It really makes you look at your life and think about some things you'd like to change or improve on. Maybe you'll even surprise yourself with some of your answer. Thanks Violet!