25

It happened. A few weeks ago by now, but it happened. I turned 25. A quarter of a century.

HOLY CRAP I'M OLD!!!
Ok, so I'm not that old. But when you're growing up, 25 feels like such a far away age. Like it will take you forever to get there. But here it is, 2012 and I'm 25. The more I type it, the more it sinks in.

I spent my weekend in the best possible way...with my family and friends and at the theatre too. Nothing extravagant or over the top. It was perfect. I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm a bit of a birthday Scrooge. I almost become shy and embarrassed when people wish me a happy birthday or get me gifts. (Although my dad did get me a really gorgeous diamond necklace that I wasn't too embarrassed to receive. I was in shock and awe!) I'm not entirely sure what that's about though. I'm not a shy person, nor do I often avoid being the center of attention(yup, I said it) but there's something about Birthday attention that makes me withdrawn. I think it may have to do with my past birthdays. Looking back at turning 24 all I can think about is how the person I chose to spend my day with, is no longer in my life. And unfortunately there are many other birthdays that I can say the same thing about. Now I'm sure it's a good thing that those people are no longer in my life, but it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I think it makes me afraid or skeptical to enjoy the day with other people, even the people who I know aren't going anywhere. So yeah...simple was best.

Another thing about being 25. It seems like every year someone asks me "so how does it feel now that you're (insert new age)"? Every year my answer is, "same as before" because it does. There's never been some changeful feeling on the day or after my birthday. It just comes and goes. But this year. This year was different. I felt it the day before my birthday actually. Like a nudge. A nudge telling me to turn around and look where I've been. Who I've been. And not just then but in reference to who and where I am now. To recognize the difference between the two. So I did. And you know what happened? I felt different. I felt 25. Not like the 10 year old girl just learning how to sew from her grandma, or the 15 year old girl dealing with the aftermath of a house fire and her parents divorcing, or the 18 year old girl packing up and moving to Florida for college, or the 21 year old leaving the country for the first time to go to Egypt, or even the 24 year old realizing that she needed to change the way she went about some things in her life. No. Now I feel like the 25 year old girl who has gone through all those things and more and learned so much along the way. The girl who, having learned from those things, feels more ready than ever to continue on in this life journey and see what else there is. It's cloudy and exciting all at once.

So here's to my 25th year. I anticipate some big changes and hopefully even more love and laughter than my previous years. Cheers.