Everyone needs to be valued. Everyone has the potential to give something back - Princess Diana

happy song

I felt like I needed to post some better vibes in here to end the day. This is just a down-right sweet jam. No questions asked. I highly encourage ya'll to check out some of his other music too. It's feel good and legit. Enjoy xoxo

To: My Medicine Man

I'm scarred.

My scars make me who I am. I wear some with pride and others with pain. 

I hope you can handle them because I will need you to. 

I will need you to come along and make me forget that I have them and more importantly, who inflicted them. 

It's a pretty high prescription to fill but I have faith that you'll be able to handle it.

Just be sure that you don't scar me too much as well. I know that scratches and bruises will happen but I don't know how many scars I will be able to take from you...stubborn as I am.

So be ready. Be ready with everything you've got.

Because Lord knows how many more scars I will acquire between now and the time we meet. (Hopefully few)

Love eternally,

Your Best Patient

the ex-box

For almost a year now, most of my belongings have been packed away in boxes due to things that were out of my control (but you don't have all day for THAT story!). Recently I decided to go through said boxes and make an assessment of things that I want to keep and things that could get thrown out. My mother was obviously thrilled since these boxes were keeping her from using her mud room closet.
As I sifted through the boxes and looked through the things I have collected in my lifetime thus far, I couldn't help but laugh at some of the things I found; things that at one point I didn't think I could live without or thT held some sentimental place in my heart. However there was one item that had a strange effect on me. I knew what it was the minute I saw it. My ex-box.
Most girls will know what I'm talking about. It's the box. The box that holds every little trinket or memento from a broken relationship. I knew this box well. It was the oldest and most full one I have (yes, there are two). This box was from high school; from the longest relationship I've been in; from the only relationship I've said "I love you in". It's been almost six years since that relationship ended. I hold no attachments to it other than this box. I look back on it with fondness and no ounce of hard feelings. So of course I opened the box, curious to see what I had kept all these years.
There were the usual things: pictures, small gifts, cards; those things that were so important to me so many years ago. I began reading some of the cards, still out of curiosity. Many of them were pretty straightforward:

Sarah,

Hallmark words

Hallmark words

Hallmark words

Love, ****

However, two of them were not so simple. Two of them were apology cards. They were heartfelt and thought through. Specific words were chosen to get the apology across. Words like "I'm so sorry" and "You were right", which any girl obviously likes to read! Then there were other words. Again, words that any girl, including this one at the time, would love to read. Words like "I love you so much" and "You are my heart". This last one really got me. You are my heart. When I read it I immediately became uncomfortable; almost awkward in my own skin. It's hard to describe really. It's almost as though I've forgotten what it's like to be loved and cared for that much. From a guy that is. Sure I've had relationships since this one; some great, some not so great. Each of them unique and yet similar in the fact that none of them have reached that same place. A few had the potential to but for whatever reason, be it timing or the guy or what have you, never went to a place of "I love you" or even a year's span. I'm not bitter or depressed about this. What's happened has happened and I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. 

I guess the moral of the story is that I didn't expect to feel so uncomfortable when I read those cards. It seems so long ago. Those words are foreign to me now. Or maybe it's not so much the words as it is the feelings that went with them. {epiphany} It's been six years since I've dove in and really been immersed in someone and vice versa. Six years. Maybe it's been me, maybe it's been the guys. I don't really know. I do know that I want it again someday. A recent "almost" relationship proved to me that I'm capable of beginning to feel that way, or at least being open to it. While this "almost" relationship didn't turn into an actual relationship, I found myself opening up in ways that I hadn't in a very long time.

So I know I'm capable. I know it's out there, somewhere. And right now, knowing is enough for me.

Holy blast from the past!

OK, I was never a "Hanson" kind of girl. MmmBop disgusted me and so did they trio's lack of haircuts. I couldn't for the life of me understand why girls got in such a tizzy over these boys and their stupid song that didn't even make sense. I was an official Hanson Hater.
----------------------------------->fast forward<------------------------------------------
I believe it was my senior year in high school and I was watching vh1 as I often did. A particular video began playing fairly frequently and I heard the song and adored it. I could not believe my eyes though when I saw who the artist was. It was HANSON. An adult and trimmed up version but still Hanson nonetheless. My eyes and ears couldn't believe it, WOULDN'T believe it! This couldn't be! I was sworn to loathe these boys and their poppy songs. But this song was different it was called "Penny and Me" and it was such a far cry from MmmBop. I was converted.
Recently Hanson has a new album floating around the airwaves and again vh1. The 2 songs I've heard so far are great and I love surprising people when they listen to them in my car with me. SO, that being said, I just had to share with the rest of you too. Here it is, a most excellent song by the band, Hanson. Enjoy! xoxoxo

girl put your records on...

a perfect day...

 I want a record player


There's just something about listening to records that seems to vintage and lovely

 Growing up we had a huge old record player and my grandparents record collection...














...I would listen to all of them in one sitting; in love with the way they sounded and watching the needle work it's way to the center.

can this PLEASE be me??

the good ol' days

Records are so simple and pure.




From a time when life was simple and innocent...




...a time when boys courted girls and mothers wore pearls.

why shouldn't this be me someday??

I think it's time I look to make this happen.


I feel warm and happy just imagining it. 


And shouldn't everyone strive to feel warm and happy?

my favorite things

Being Monday and all...and since I failed last week...

• Peace Sign coming home TWICE this month!
• My first Spring season in 5 years
• not having to wear pants around the house
• getting ready for Easter 
• Watching cartoons with Caden
• WEARING FLIP FLOPS AGAIN!!!
• NHL playoffs
• catching up with Panda
• pancakes!

the end

You feel it coming. It's almost like the wind shifting directions. That slight switch where deep down in your gut you know he's changed his mind about things. His actions are different. He doesn't talk to you the same way. So do you ride it out and hope for the best or nip it in the butt? Unfortunately for me I'm the ride/hope type. It's a slow ride down a hill until you get the bottom and you're left with....yourself. Yourself and a brain on hyper-speed, thinking about what you could have done differently, how could this have happened again, was any of it real? You've been here before so you know you'll be fine. Life will go on. But you also know that before that happens you have to get through the steps. Everyone knows the steps: Pity, AngerMe, AngerYou, Hurt, Bitterness, Revenge.
Pity- this includes the "why me?"'s and all other self-depressing questions. Your logic tells you these things are lies but somehow these poisonous thoughts manage to creep in and hold you down. You think of every comment or questions imaginable to rip yourself apart. And nothing anyone else says can really help you feel differently.
AngerMe - this version of anger is the type you feel against yourself. Being mad for letting yourself get into such a vulnerable position in the first place. Feeling frustrated for letting yourself put your guard down again. The reality of it is, there's no way you could have known that things would have happened the way they did. But a part of you still wants to kick yourself in the ass for opening up.
AngerYou - this is total, all out anger at the other person. "How could he do this?" and "I can't believe he just doesn't care". Your insides get hot just thinking about what happened. Just his name makes you furious.
Hurt - probably the most healthy and normal of the steps. It's not made up or over exaggerated. You're just hurt. The situation makes you feel sad and bruised. I happened, there's nothing you can really do about it, so you let it go and let yourself hurt.
Bitterness - I'm too familiar with this one. Comments fall out of your mouth like "Bring on the cats!" and "I'm going to be a lesbian instead" and "I'm never dating again". It almost makes you feel better to just blurt them out, knowing somewhere in your mind that it's not true at all. It's all a facade....a facade that only really fools yourself.
Revenge - bring your baseball bats! Okay not really, but you think about it. Your mind makes up all these little scenarios of way to get some revenge. You feel the need to inflict the some kind of pain on the other person, hoping to return the favor they've done you. Now, if you're an immature IDIOT you might act on this. I don't suggest that. It's best to check these thoughts and keep them at just that, THOUGHTS.
They happen in any order, last for any given amount of time and there are plenty of song lyrics for your facebook status that represents each one, perfectly. The more you've experienced them the better you get at controlling them. And after you've gone through them, you're free. You wake up one morning and feel light again; the storm has passed. The end is over. {sigh}

I'm choosing happiness over suffering, I know I am. I'm making space for the unknown future to fill up my life with yet-to-come surprises.

...this is just one of my favorite quotes from the latest book I read; Eat. Pray. Love. I haven't seen the movie yet so I was excited to read the book first. Now, I started reading this book when I finished the Potato Peel Pie book...which was quite a while ago. It's not a particularly hard read, in fact, I quite enjoyed it's pace. But I still found myself being a little frustrating with my speed, or lack there of, in reading this book. Life clearly had a reason for this. {silly life} Over the past month or so it was as if I was reading the exact parts of the book that I needed to read at that very moment. And of course I didn't realize this until after I finished it today.
As far as my recommendation goes, I can't praise this book enough. I wasn't really in need of inspiration when I started reading it, but still found myself being uplifted by so many parts of it. My copy is officially dog-eared a few times over. And while the author is a woman (Elizabeth Gilbert) it's not an overly girly book. It really speaks to anyone who has felt lost, lonely, or in need of some guidance. It doesn't throw religion on the reader either, which I liked. She writes about what worked for her and recognizes that there are many ways to finding oneself.
I'm sooo glad I read this book when I did and I hope the movie won't be a huge disappointment (I'm talking to YOU Julia Roberts). I highly suggest it to anyone looking for a great read. Whether your in a good or bad place there is some really great stuff in this book. And if nothing else, maybe it will inspire you to look into traveling more or even learning a new language!

ciao bellas!

my favorite things

My favorite things as of late:

• my rain boots
• thunder storms
• the TODAY show
• the kids I nanny

wants

I'm beginning to feel as though life isn't about getting what you want. It's about getting what you get and finding a way to be ok with that. I can't control the universe, I can only control me. And me is only human. Me can only do so much with what I've got. So what can I do about it really? I'm not sure that there's much. Just because I know what I want, doesn't mean the rest of the world will ever align with that. I can't force a theatre to hire and pay me. I can't force someone to want to be with me. I can't force people to treat me the way I treat them. So...do I just control me and hope for the best? I'm beginning to think so.

I wore a skirt today and...it was amazing. I felt lighter; like I had shed my winter coat of fur. I felt free; unrestricted. It was just what I needed.