Settle

: to move to a place and make it your home

: to become fixed, resolved, or established

: to be content with


This word has been popping in my head a lot. Mostly in terms of my life lately and how it seems to pertain to more than one aspect of it. There seems to be a good deal of non-settling that has lead to other ways of settling. So settle in and hear me out.

In college I slid down the slippery slope of settling (5 points for alliteration!). I dated the wrong fellas and invested in maybe not the best friends. Finally, in my 26th year I'm feeling really clear from all that settling smog. I won't settle for a jerk just because he's cute or shows me a little attention. Deep down if he's a jerk, he's a jerk, and ain't nobody got time for that! I'm feeling really great about the friends I have. They're swell and I love them dearly and we've invested in each other.

Now you might be thinking to yourself "well good for you Sarah....but what's the malfunction"? Oh it's a great thing indeed, except for one simple fact. In my new found non-settling, I seemed to have back-lashed in the total opposite direction too. I've settled into a life of staying home, watching DVR'd television, knitting, and not spending time with my wonderful friends or meeting fellas to even determine whether they're jerks or not. I've settled into being a hermit. You know I've lived in NYC for a little over a year now and I haven't been on 1 date. Not 1. And I can't even sit here and blame the men of the world for that. How could a man ask me out when we don't even meet due to the fact that I've Rapunzel'd myself in my 5th story apartment?? 

I settled in NYC, am finally feeling settled in this place and the people in my life, and somehow settled on just that. Nothing more. It's a real problem.

So, as they say, admitting the problem is the first step. Right? Right. I can only assume that taking action is the next step then. So that's what I'm resolving to do. Time to remain settled in some things and shake things up in others. Find the balance. (I did some yoga last night for the first time in longer than I'd like to admit....so much balance to find) This city is overflowing with great things to do and stellar people to do them with and now that I've been here for a year I have no excuse not to take full advantage. 

Here's to an unsettled settling!! Does the word settle sound and look as odd to you as it does to me now?

a holding pattern

I'm in one. And I don't really mind being in one. And that worries me a little.

I do the same thing every day. I wake up and knit. I go to work. I come home and knit. I go to bed.
NYC is expensive and Christmas is coming so it doesn't really bother me that this is my habit lately. That being said I do feel a small restlessness inside.

I miss my sewing machine. Some days I think about how great it would be to spend a whole day sewing. I have quilts I'd love to finish, projects I'd like to make but I have to keep telling myself "Apartment #2. Apartment #2 will be bigger. Apartment #2 will have room for my sewing machine". I can only hope it's true.

I think about college times a lot lately. How carefree life was and how much fun I had. My biggest worry (other than classes of course) was trying to find a parking spot near my dorm. I was surrounded by a great group of friends, I was involved in things that were really fulfilling, and I lived in St Pete! It was wonderful. Maybe I used up all my fun in college and now in my late-ish 20s I'm paying my dues for it. I'm certainly paying the loans for it.

There's a hole in my heart that only the theatre can fill. It's coming up on a year since I moved to the city and I know it's about time I start really pursuing my career again. No more excuses. No more "I just need to get through X,Y,Z". The time is now; even if I have to hold 2 jobs and volunteer as an usher. I've done it before and I'll do it again if it means getting my foot in the door. I need theatre.

I don't spend enough time here. I look at how many posts I've written in years past and I can't believe how much they've tapered off. I love having this blog! I love being inspired by other blogs! It's such a wonderful online community. Just the other day I was riding the subway and I recognized a woman as she got on. It was Cara from Maskcara! I couldn't believe that of all the subways, here she was on mine. She lives in Utah for crying out loud! I mustered up the courage to say hello and she was amazingly friendly of course. For a blogger it's celebrity status when you see the person who's words you read on a regular basis. It was awesome to say the least.

It's become clear to me that I'm not the best at staying in touch with the people I care about. I talk to my immediate family on a regular basis but I have some really wonderful people in my life that I don't talk to nearly as often as I should. And that makes me feel like a real shmuck. What kind of friend can I expect others to be to me if I don't put some effort in on my end too? Distance is no excuse in these times. With facebook, skype, and even a good ol' fashion telephone there's no reason to not stay in touch better. It's shameful really.

I didn't mean for this post to get so down! I'm not depressed or anything, just introspective lately, and maybe that's the silver lining of this holding pattern. It's giving me the time to step back and evaluate the things that I want to change so when the pattern has run its course maybe just maybe I'll be a better me.

Does this mean I'm an adult or something?? Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

public displays of knitting

I've become that lady. You know, the lady who sits on the subway and knits. Yup. It was really only a matter of time. I mean, what better way to occupy my commute to work than by being productive too! It's the best of all worlds.

That being said, I'll never be a normal subway rider again. I've been jaded by my multitasking. I find myself getting really irritated whenever I ride the subway and there isn't a spot to sit and knit. "That's a whole 25 minutes of great knitting time that I am cheated of! Do you know how many rows I can get done in 25 minutes????" I find myself thinking. It's bad. When I get ready for a night on the town I look back and forth from my tiny purse to my knitting, rationalizing whether or not I would be able to fit my knitting inside said tiny purse and God forbid something happens to my knitting while I'm at the bar but damn I could get so much done on the 35 minute subway ride there. I may have a problem.

The other part of knitting out in the open are the looks. When I was college, taking theatre classes, we did an exercise where everyone would choose someone else in the class to look at until they could feel it. It's an odd thing but it works. We've all been there. You're going about a task when all of a sudden you get the feeling that someone's watching you. Chances are there is someone watching you. I've never felt this feeling so much as when I'm knitting on the subway and to such a point that I look up and almost always make eye contact with the person looking. It's a little crazy. And every now and then one of them will be brave enough to tap my on the shoulder and ask me what I'm working on. They don't know a thing about me and have never seen me before but because I'm a gal knitting on the subway that must mean I'm safe to chat with. I love it.

The consolation in all of this is that I know I'm not alone. Every now and then I'll see others like me in the same car and one time I even shared a seat with a crocheter. It felt like we had our own designated spot on the train. Sorry folks, hand crafters only on this seat. More proof of this was pointed out to me by way of a friend who found an article about a man who was questioned about his knitting by the police. His blog, madmanknitting, is all about his journey as a man knitter (or as I like to put it, a Mitter) and the cute bears that he makes and sells to get by. His story is pretty inspiring so I encourage you to read a few of his posts.

I'm sure all this public knitting makes me a bit of a granny but i guess thats's okay with me. I love doing it and so far anyone that I interact with seems to enjoy it to. It's made me think about what I can do to share my joy with others. But there will be more on that to come. 

via tumblr

There's something reassuring about seeing a man walking down the sidewalk or riding the subway with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. It reminds me that chivalry may not be dead after all. 

I wonder to myself if those are "I'm sorry" flowers or "Happy Birthday" flowers or "Just Because" flowers. I think about the lady who will get to enjoy seeing those flowers in her living room for the next couple days and the feeling she'll get knowing that someone was thinking of her.

someday.

feeling less

The other night I was on the phone with my mom when I felt the need to tell her how I've been feeling lately.

"I just feel less........less."

And that's all there was. I searched for the word to come after the less but there seemed to be too many to pin one down.

less rested             less happy
less qualified       less talented
less attractive    less social
less young             less bright
less ambitious    less fit

Just a lot of less. And I'm not really sure why. Sure some things have happened in my life lately that weren't very ideal but I felt that I had worked through them. I certainly didn't think they were events that would effect me to a point that I can't figure out how to fix the way I feel. The usual chocolates and happy TV hasn't worked. I've been trying to really make myself enjoy the simple things every day like drinking my morning tea and feeding my fish but the joy of those doesn't really last as long as I need it to lately. I don't expect anyone to come along and "make" me feel better either. I do know one thing and that is that I really don't like this. This isn't me. It feels like I'm wearing 3 winter coats at the same time....it doesn't hurt, it's just uncomfortable.


Maybe this thing will work itself out on its own. Maybe I need a solid cry. Maybe just writing it down and getting it all out will help it along. I don't know.

In the meantime please excuse my blue-ness.

bleh

The Carol Cowl

A couple months back, while I was working at the knitting shop, I came across this particular yarn and needless to say, it was love. I'm sure any of my fellow knitters/crocheters can understand the mystical draw of a yarn that really speaks to you. It immediately takes over your thoughts as well as your project list and wallet. You have no idea what you'll use it for but you know it has to be yours, before anyone else can discover its glory and get it first. So when I saw this yarn, madelinetosh pashmina worsted in Rain Water, my craft gears were in overdrive. In order to make sure that I was having some kind of head on my shoulders I told myself that I wouldn't buy the yarn until I actually had a project for it (you can imagine the anxiety this gave me as there were only 3 skein left!). I began scouring Ravelry for the perfect project and quickly determined that a cowl would be the best use of this luscious yarn. But which? I searched and searched and just couldn't seem to find the right pattern that would really do my yarn justice. It's one of those things where, when you know, you know. I had an idea of what I wanted in my head but it didn't seem that such a pattern existed. I was feeling defeated. My beautiful yarn needed a soul mate. Then, it dawned on me...


...why don't I just make my own pattern? If I could figure out a way to translate the vision in my head to a pattern that looked similar, my dream cowl could be a reality! The swatching process began. There were needle sizes to gauge and pattern combinations to be tested. The end product was quite the hodge-podge of crazy but man was it helpful to really seeing how things would turn out if I used different techniques. I will never again underestimate the importance of swatching. I now had a clear vision of what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it. It was time to cast on.

And cast on I did. I even got a solid 2" into the pattern when I realized that it just wouldn't do. There were already a few too many hiccups along the way and I just couldn't have them tainting my vision for this yarn. Frogging had to be done, and lots of it. And it was in my frogging that I was also able to realize that my original number of cast on stitches just wouldn't be enough either. As much of a pain as frogging can be, it certainly proved educational this time. As did taking notes. So important.
I cast on again, this time with just a tad more focus and determination to not only NOT mess up but also figure out how to correct any mistakes that were made. I would keep it with me to work on while I rode the subway every other day or so and found that I could knit a little more than a row per subway ride. (Let me tell you, there's nothing like knitting on the subway to really make you feel it when people are looking at you) In about a month I had my cowl complete. It was everything I wanted it to be and I couldn't be happier. Now it needed a name. Something feminine and meaningful. It had to be named Carol, after my grandmother. I owe so much of my talent to her and I would have never picked up knitting needles if she hadn't have passed them down to me. So it was only right that this be The Carol Cowl.

I couldn't be happier with it! It's exactly what I wanted and I'm so glad I took the time to play with it and really work it out. Now if only the weather would cool down a tad so I can wear it!

 

 My coworker Sarita was kind enough to help me out by snapping some shots for me the other day as well so shoutout to her!!

I've made this pattern available for a couple bucks on both Ravelry and my Etsy page if you would like to make it too. If you'd rather have me make you one contact me and we'll chat! I loved making so I can't wait to do it again. It's definitely a project that's close to my heart.

it's funny...

:home:  the place in which one's domestic affections are centered

It's funny how when you're living at home (in your parents basement) the only thing you think about is how you will get out into the world again. On your own. Paying your rent. Having your own space. And even when you do finally leave the nest you know this is the best decision you've ever made. Now here's the funny part. It's not until the time you go back to visit home that you realize how much you love it there. The feelings of comfort and familiarity are palpable and you can really breathe.

It's funny when the place you've finally gotten away from is the place you never want to leave again. 

But you know it's only an illusion. You know that you love it this much because you get to leave in a week and return to the new life you're building. You've lived here for years and there wasn't much for you and that hasn't changed since you left. Maybe someday it will, but not yet. So you just sit back and enjoy it. Every minute of it. You see the people you haven't seen in months and catch up on all the goings-ons of the town. You visit your favorite food spots and eat way too much, all the while knowing that you could very well still be here, doing these things. It just wouldn't be the same.

It's better to love this place from a distance. To know that it will always be there when you need it. When I need it. Back in college I didn't appreciate home when I was there or away. My life in Florida was all I wanted to do and I couldn't wait to get back there. Even when I moved back home after college I dreaded it. Not only was I moving back in with my parents but I had already been to college and seen what else was out there for me. It was a rough time. When I moved to the city I still didn't think I would miss it. I was so ready to move on to the next chapter of my life and give it my all. All that changed the minute I stepped foot in my home. It felt like any other night before. Sneaking through the house to get to my bedroom, avoiding the squeaky boards so I didn't wake my parents. It was all so familiar. By the middle of the week I started to forget that I even live in NYC. It was all so normal feeling and for a moment I let myself get caught up in it. I thought "hey, this could still be my life. I could do this", but then a little voice in the back of my head reminded me of why I moved in the first place. As great as Oz was, Dorothy had to go back to Kansas....only in my case Oz is home and Kansas is NYC.

It's funny how two, polar opposite places, can each make you feel complete.

WNY and NYC couldn't be more different from each other. And yet, they each are fulfilling me in great ways. I love the fast pace life in the city. There's always things to do, places to go, sites to see. There's so much history here and I love being a part of it. My apartment is adorable and my jobs are two of the best I've ever had. I really love it. I care less about what people think of me here because Lord knows there is always someone crazier at the party. Home is.....home. It's where my growing years were spent. Where I feel just right wearing a plaid shirt and driving my dads pick up truck around town. Fridays I go out to dinner with my Poppop for fish and Wednesdays are spent playing trivia at Applebees. I can go out with my boys and drink beers and eat wings and know that these guys have known me for longer than I can even remember and when we hug goodbye and say 'I love you' there's not an ounce of subtext. We really love each other and I love that. Home is who I am. The roots of me. 

I'm glad that I've finally come around to loving home(my mother is too). I honestly never imagined that it would happen. Growing up there I was determined to leave and never look back and I never saw myself changing my mind  about that. But I have. I don't know if I'll ever move back there, life can be silly that way, but I do know that I will soak up every moment of it whenever I visit. It's my rechargeable battery. My place to get back in touch with that side of myself.

It's home.

new tunes

A coworker of mine happens to have a very eclectic ear for music which he brings to work with him regularly. Sometimes I can't do anything but scratch my head at the albums he chooses for us all to listen to. Other times I can't seem to get enough of whatever he's got playing. Most recently he's introduced me to Mayer Hawthorne. The first time I heard him I remember asking "Is this Pharrell?" His voice is silky smooth and you can hear the influences of artists like Smokey Robinson and Curtis Mayfield in his music. So obviously, I'm loving it.

This song is from his new EP, Where Does This Door Go. The album has a more modern feel from his older music so I figured I share some of that too!

All his videos are pretty unique as well, which I can appreciate.

Enjoy!

a girl's first sweater

I've been knitting for 3 years now and I can't believe it's taken me this long to be able to say this but...I'm making my first sweater!!!!!! When I got the job at Annie & Company I told my friends for days that I was secretly hoping my boss would tell me that she wanted me to learn how to make a sweater. Come my first day, my boss said that very thing! I couldn't believe my ears. I spent a week scanning through patterns on Ravelry and looking through books in order to find the perfect sweater. It wanted to find a pattern that wouldn't be too far out of my skill level but was still something new that I could be challenged by. One night on Ravelry I found the perfect sweater. It's called Aidez and the minute I saw it I knew it had to be mine. It's so comfy and cozy looking and I even loved the color that it was made in originally. Clearly, this was meant to be. The next (and most important) step was picking the perfect yarn. I knew I wanted something neutral in color and soft to the touch. It only took less then a day and a little guidance to pick The One. I decided on Rowan Cocoon on the color Frost ( which is a natural/tan). This particular yarn in 80% Merino Wool and 20% Kid Mohair which means it's super duper soft and I pretty much love it. I'm so happy with my choice!

I started the sweater as soon as I possibly could. I was so excited! I quickly realized that this sweater was just right for me. It has tons of cables and knits together really quickly so even doing a couple rows makes it seem like I've accomplished a good amount. So far I've finished the back piece and I'm working on one of the front sides. Everything's knit on straight needles so it's done in pieces and sewn together. In order to avoid sleeve seams though I think I'll knit the sleeves on circular needles. I read a lot of the posts from the other people that made this sweater and many of them made the whole thing in the round but I decided early on that I didn't want to take too many chanced by changing the way the pattern is written. Better to air on the safe side for my first sweater. The last thing I want is to get too ahead of myself and go changing things and making mistakes.

So that's my first sweater so far. I really can't wait to have it to wear. It's gonna be great! As I get more done on it, and other projects I'm working on, I'll be sure to post about it here. Working at a knitting store has really lit a fire under my ass as far as crafting is concerned. I missed it a lot and am still sad that my sewing machine didn't get to make the trip (yet) but for now I'm really enjoying all the new opportunities I'm finding through knitting. It feels amazing!

On the bookshelf

Since moving to the city I find myself reading up a storm and really loving it. So it seems only right to share some of my good reads and spread the wealth!

“You have to digest life. You have to chew it up and love it all through.”
-Paula McLain, The Paris Wife 

What a book. Written from the perspective of Hadley Hemingway, the first wife of Ernest Hemingway, and set in the years that they lived in Paris, while the characters, places, and events are true, it's still a fictitious novel. So much of the book is based off of interviews and biographies though that it's hard not to believe it all and be totally immersed. Which I was. The things that this woman went through, all in the name of marriage and love, are so inspiring. She was quite a lady. And if you know anything about Ernest Hemingway, you know how the story ends, but that doesn't keep you from wanting things to go differently. You can't help but root for Hadley and maybe learn a little from her story too. Plus, what girl wouldn't dream of being swept off her feet to live in Paris?? 

"Know your own happiness. You want nothing but patience; or give it a more fascinating name: call it hope."
-Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

An all time classic. Any Jane Austen is really. Would I say that I liked it more than Pride and Prejudice? No. Nothing trumps P&P for me, but this is definitely worth the time to read. You can't help but fall in love with the men in this book and they're each so different that there's someone for everyone. You'll wish you were growing up in England in the late 1700s....minus the lack of plumbing maybe. Just be prepared from some period language that may be a little hard to interpret. I don't suggest trying to read this on the subway or right before bed. Chances are you won't retain much of it and if you do, props to you! You're a more trained reader than I! It was certainly a book that required a good amount of concentration and focus from me but once I got the rhythm, the storyline will swept me up in romance and kept me invested. It's simply beautiful. 

"All right... I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool--that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool."
-F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

Somehow I never read this book in school so when I started seeing falling in love with previews for the movie I knew I had to read the book first. And I did. Twice. It's so easy to be engrossed in the love story of Jay and Daisy. You just want them to be together and be happy so badly but, in true Shakespearean fashion, that's not the case. It's also easy to start imagining what your own life would have been like as a socialite living on Long Island in the 1930s. It all seems so fabulous and decadent. I like to think that I was a free-wheeling flapper in a past life. Having a short bob hair cut, wearing plenty of fringe, dancing a mean Charleston, drinking champagne, and staying out until all hours of the morning. Seems like a great time to me! So much of New York City reminds me of this time period and there's something very romantic about it all. This is definitely a book I'll be reading from time to time.   

“The decisions of our past are the architects of our present.”
 -Dan Brown, Inferno

Back in high school my boyfriend read this book called The DiVinci Code. He insisted that I read it too along with another book by the same author called Angels and Demons. Needless to stay, Robert Langdon and his intriguing life are still just as interesting to me as they were all those years ago. And this newest book is no different. Set back in Italy, this book is all based around the epic poem by Dante Alighieri which depicts his journey through hell. Once again, the aspects of this book that are real are captivating enough to keep you invested and maybe even help you brush up on your Italian art history. It definitely re-sparked my desire to visit there someday, or maybe even live there for a period of time. I would just love to see all the places that this book takes place in. There's just so much culture and beauty and pasta.....but I digress. While I was a little unhappy with how this book wrapped things up in the end, it was still worth the time to read. 

“If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.”
-Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

A coworker of mine recommended this book to me after I had read Gatsby and I'm so glad he did. It's a set of memoirs by Ernest Hemingway that focuses on his life in Paris, struggling to become the writer he would one day be. It chronicles his struggles, his loves, and his ever important relationships with other writers that had also settled in Paris at the time. This book is a really great read but I will advise that you don't pick it up right after reading Jane Austen like I did. The language of the one book compared to the other requires a period of time to reset your rhythm. I got a quarter of the way through this book before realizing that I hadn't really read any of it. Once I took some time away from it and started over, it was SO much easier to read and I really enjoyed it. There's something lovely about Hemingway that makes you love him, regardless of his dastardly behavior.  

I don't know if it's this city or what but I'm very much on a 1930s kick it seems. There's just something very appealing about these people, the lives they were living, the characters they created and the history of it all that I just can't get enough of. And the book I'm working on now goes right along with that. So I hope you'll bear with me. If you decide to read any of these books please let me know how you felt about them! I'd love to hear some other opinions. And if you liked them as much as I did, spread the love too. I can't help but feel that word of mouth is a powerful thing for the written word these days. I also encourage you to maybe skip the E-reader. Let's keep actual books alive! 

My dearest

I need to get something out. Something that could change us more than anything we've ever been through. And only time will tell if that change will be for the better or worse. And the not knowing of that is enough to eat me alive. Then again, so is this thing inside me. So either way....

I think I'm in love with you.

There it is. In black and white. A real thing. Like the knot in my stomach and the quiver in my fingertips. Tangible. Words I haven't used in regards to anyone for many, many years. Words that I don't throw around frivolously. Words that I know won't get me much in return.   

Because right now our timelines don't match up. They never really have. Since we met I always had this underlying feeling that we hadn't been through enough life yet....we hadn't marinated enough to be who we needed to be for each other in that way.

You were ready for it at first. I was your type then. You said things and did things that made that more than evident to me. But I wasn't ready for that version of you in that way. Yet somehow over time, in our marinating, I seasoned out of being your type and you turned into mine. And now I want to say things and make that more than evident. But you're not ready for this version of me in this way. Funny how life works.

So now I find myself trying to get over you. You who I've never even been in a relationship with. I have to find a way to be okay with not knowing what the future holds; with not knowing whether our timelines are even meant to line up. I have to have faith that if it's meant to be, it will be, while not totally closing myself off to anyone else, like it would be so so easy to do.

Because I can't make you love me. I can't try to change every little thing about myself to fit your type again. I'm a different person now and if you aren't in love this version, then that's that. And that's something I'll have to be okay with. Because you mean too much to me to be otherwise.  

And maybe in five minutes I'll look back on this and regret every word or maybe in 50 years we'll laugh about the time I confessed my love in a blog post. Either way, it's out. No longer eating away at me. No longer just a thought that I've been rolling around in my head for months. And I'm glad for that.

Love, Me

the needy girl?

While working at the wine store the other day I was talking with my manager about relationships and people and things. We eventually got onto the subject of what attracts people to each other and he said something that smacked me up a bit. He said "Guys want to be with a needy girl. They don't want a girl who doesn't need them. They just like to feel needed".

HOLD. THE. PHONE.

So you're saying all these years that I've spent becoming an independent, self sufficient, free-thinking gal will only keep men from wanting to be with me? All the things I've not said in order to avoid seeming "needy" would have been attractive? I've been under the impression that my independence would be something that a guy would love me for; something he admired most about me. Now I'm supposed to figure out a way to become needier? Act like I don't know how to do things or become a damsel in distress? I always scratched my head when I saw these great guys putting up with girls who could barely tie their own shoes. Maybe there was a method to that madness. They had a boyfriend after all.

Have I been in the dark about this all these years? I don't want to believe so. Do all guys feel this way or is this a case by case opinion? Maybe the fellas that love an independent woman are fewer and far between. I think I need more opinions. I'm not about to change who I am in order to land a man but maybe my expectations needs to change if this is really how men feel.

Guys, what do you think? Needy or Not? Maybe you can elaborate a little for me. I'm extremely curious to know what you all think about this.

just sayin'

I've never wanted to be lump of dough so badly in my life! Just sayin'.

to have and have not

I don't know if it's the fact that I'm 26 or that I'm living on my own for real for the first time or a combination of both of those things, but I've discovered certain ways about myself that have developed as of late. Ways that I go about my life; things that I choose to have or have not. Some of these things are pretty trivial but have become very much a part of my fiber as a 26 year old. I couldn't help but take a little inventory of them.

Things I can't live without:

Rainbow Sprinkles- If I'm gonna pay for the ice cream I will ALWAYS pay for rainbow sprinkles too.

Facial Hair- On a man of course. It used to be optional to me but I've found in recent times it's become a real necessity. Like a sign of ones manhood.

Dark Chocolate Chips- I keep a bag in the freezer at all times. They complete me.

Night Cream- How did I never invest in this before? My face has been thanking me lately.

DVR- I don't think I could ever go back. 

Multivitamins- I know I don't eat all the things my body needs so these are the next best thing. It's time to start really taking care of this vessel I'm using.

Library Card- Free books....need I say more?? 

Eggs- I was never much of an egg eater growing up (My sister filled that role) but since moving here I find that eggs have become an essential part of my diet. They're just so versatile and delicious!

Glass Water Bottle- Free liquid refreshment from a tap in a reusable container? Done. 

Things I can live without:

  Mini Jean Skirts- There's a time and a place and I feel like that time and place already happened for me. And it was great while it lasted. 

Designer Duds- I thought I would get sucked into the "label" game when I moved to NYC but I think being here has only reinforced the ridiculousness of it all. Old Navy V-Necks for life!

MTV- I used to really love me some "crappy tv" as my college roommates called it and don't get me wrong, every now and then I'll flip through the channels and indulge but I find myself not really caring about the absurd programs on this channel anymore. 

Pop- Yes, I still call it pop. Out of sight out of mind and I'm better off for it.

Bottled Water- I just hate paying for things that I can get for free.

Beauty Magazines- I've read it all before Cosmo and I'll never fit into any of those clothes Vogue. Sorry. 

Clubbing- I love to dance but I also like to have the space to do so. And the air to breathe. And the people to hear or talk to. And the bar to get to.

Iceberg Lettuce- My mom loves it so that's what I grew up eating and I still hate it. If I want water I'll just drink it. No need to chew it with dressing. Romaine for this girl!

The iPhone- I survived before it and I'll continue to do so without it in my life. Sorry iLovers. I just don't get the hype.

the winds of change

Have blown! But before I delve into that, a little background information...

When I found out which apartment I would be moving to in the city I quickly google mapped the area to see what was around me. I quickly found this place called Annie & Co down the block from me that was a Needlepoint and Knitting shop. Can we say meant to be?? When I moved I quickly emailed the shop to see if they were hiring. After a month or so I hadn't heard anything so I decided to go and check the place out. I walked in, and it was love. The walls were covered with beautiful rainbows of yarn. There were little old ladies sitting around a table knitting. The quaintness was to die for. When I inquired about whether they were hiring or not I was heart broken when the woman told me they were over-staffed at the time. A few months after that I received an email in response to my original email to them. They wanted to interview me! I was elated. I sent them some pictures of my work along with my resume and waited impatiently for the day to arrive. Much to my chagrin, the day before my interview I received another email saying that they wouldn't need me after all but would keep me in mind. "Yeah right" I said to myself. We've all heard the "We'll keep your resume on file" line so i quickly forgot about the idea of working in yarn heaven. Silly me. About a month ago now I was at work and had a voicemail from a strange number. It was Annie & Co. They wanted to interview me again. Was this real life?! It was. I interviewed on a Thursday and got the job on Friday.

When something is meant to be, it's meant to be. And just because it doesn't happen in the timing we think it should doesn't mean it's not going to happen at all. Thanks for the reminder there God.

The choice to work at the knitting company was not entirely easy. I had to make the decision to leave the restaurant I had been working at since I moved here. I had made all my first NYC friends there and gone through a lot of work to try and make my schedules work out between both jobs. So while there was a little sadness in leaving, I knew it was the right choice for me. The pay is better, the hours are better, and I can't begin to express how much more fulfilling it is. I'm not on my feet for 8 hours straight. I'm not at work until 1am. I have time to do the things I really want to do like go for a run, knit, cook/bake and spend time with my friends finally! One and a half weeks in and I couldn't be happier with my decision. And did I mentioned that they want me to make a sweater?! I was so excited when I heard that! I've wanted to make a sweater for a while so I can't wait to take on this challenge! And do it the right way with some wonderful ladies for guidance.

I'm so excited for this change. While it means that I'll be working 7 days a week, I could care less. It's worth being able to get out of work at 6pm and do something that I really love. I miss my new pals from the restaurant but now that I don't work there I'm allowed to go there whenever I want for a drink! So it's not a total loss.

This is gonna be great!

thank you for the kiss

In the early morning hours of my 22nd birthday I had just returned to my dorm from doing I don't remember what. I wasn't expecting much from this particular birthday since my only plans were to get in a car in a few hours and take the long drive to Burmingham, Alabama for a theatre conference. The year after your 21st birthday you don't really expect much in the way of specialness. Or I didn't anyways.

 As I walked to my room there was a knock at the door. I wasn't expecting anyone so I was curious about who it could have been at that hour. I opened the door and the next thing I know, I'm being kissed. And not only am I being kissed, I'm being kissed in a way that every girl dreams about. That out of nowhere, takes you by surprise, shock melting into surrender type of kiss. He was nervous at first, his hands shook a little on my face. But the man in him quickly took over and he was in charge. It was a glorious kiss. One for the record books. And as soon as it had started it was over. He said "Happy Birthday Sarah. I'll see you when you get back" and was gone. Just like that. A hit and run.

While not much came out of that kiss romantically, it's a wonderful memory I will keep with me forever. That was the Jake I knew. He was fearless in so many ways and always "went into the basement" as we had learned in Improv class. He was one of the funniest people I've known and I feel so fortunate to call him a friend. His legacy at Eckerd will long be remembered through his Improv troupe, Another Man's Trash, his servants heart and his over all amazing-ness as a person.

Jake, my heart is so very heavy over the loss of you. I pray that you have found a peace that passes all understanding. I'll never forget the times we shared together, the way I never knew how seriously to take you whenever you hit on me, or how you would squish yourself next to me in that red chair during class. I'm still grateful to you for letting me work with AMT as your "stage manager". It's something that I keep on my resume to this day. I miss you so very much.

Thank you for the kiss.

city eats

That's one big Burrito Enchilado!

While Cassie was here we ate and then we ate, and then we ate some more. All the places we went to were super delicious, decently priced, and all over the map. One of the things I'd been looking forward to when I moved here was exploring different cuisine so not only was the weekend awesome but getting to try new restaurants made it that much better. So I figured I'd share the new wealth with all of you! Let me know if you've tried any of these and how you feel about them! And if you have any suggestions for other awesome spots, I'm all ears!

Carmine's; Times Square- Family Style Italian. Need I say more? The portions are huge and the atmosphere makes you feel like you're in your own home.....with about 100 of your family members.  The penne a la vodka is superb.

Pizza Suprema; Chelsea- You want to eat the best pizza in NYC? Well head towards Madison Square Garden and kiddie corner to that you'll find this hole in the wall pizza place. It's been owned by the same family for 45 years which makes it pretty legit in my book. Let me suggest the White slice.

Nomad; East Village- I actually found this spot through a Groupon deal that I didn't end up getting to buy but the menu looked so good we just had to go anyway. The cuisine is North African and the decor certainly matches. We shared all our food (3 appetizers, 1 entree, and dessert) and had a really great experience.  The hummus was perfect and the seafood cous cous was excellent.

Mole; Upper East Side- How else would we celebrate Cinco de Mayo than having some super large portions of Mexican food(the proof is in the picture!) The place was really crowded but it was worth the wait for the delicious food that followed. Oh, and that burrito was SO good for breakfast a couple days later, no shame in my game!!! 

3 of Cups; East Village- Of course we had to go here! It's our most favorite place so obviously we had to take my sister! It was just a glorious as ever.

Bon Apetit!

sister visit

Cassie having her first NYC hotdog!

Last weekend my sister came to visit for a few days and boy did we have fun. We may have spent 90% of our time eating but it was a great time nonetheless. She had only been to the city once before (on a bus trip.....terrible idea) so I was excited to show her the city that I've come to know so far and there were still plenty of places that I haven't even been yet that we got to check out together. I don't remember the last time we spent that much time together, just us. It's weird when you realize that you're to the age where you may never live in the same place as your sibling. Sure we go off to college but when you're there you know it's only temporary, and you certainly aren't thinking about where you and your sister will settle down someday. Or that it might not end up being anywhere near each other. For the record, being a nanny WILL make you start to think about these things!!

 

We  visited the World Trade Center and found St. Paul's Chapel, which is the oldest functioning church in Manhattan. It's directly across the street from the World Trade Center and was somehow undamaged on September 11th. The inside still acts as a memorial so it was really cool to go inside and see it all. Living in Western New York during that time I felt so removed from it all but now that I'm here it's crazy to think about the fact that most of the people I've met, were here for it all and experienced it first hand. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like. 

 Our family happens to love going to museums and Cassie and I are definitely no exception. When my dad and poppop were here for my birthday they ended up going to the American Museum of Natural History while I was at work one morning. I was crushed! So it became a necessity when Cassie was here. It also happened that one of the exhibits at the time was all about whales, so I just had to see it. 

I couldn't believe how much is actually in that building! We definitely could have spent the entire day inside and still wouldn't have seen everything. I loved the whales obviously and we both enjoyed the animal exhibits. They look so real!! 

I'm also convinced that everything in that museum DOES come to life at night.

Of course we had to stroll around Central Park! And in our strollings we happened to stumble upon a Wafels and Dinges truck! If you haven't experienced one of these, it's a must! Any description I try to give won't do these treats justice so I won't begin to try. Just know that if you happen to stumble upon one, just do it!

In honor of Cinco de Mayo(which was actually the next day) we got a little fancy for a Mexican feast! Why wouldn't we?? Our meal was amazing but somehow Cassie ended up with all the other pictures from the evening. Between her camera and mine, we'd have a complete album of our trip.

Just look at these two fools. Having the time of their lives

The final day of Cassie's visit was spent at the zoo! I'm sorry, but there is something about the zoo that will always bring out the child in me. I could see the same animals everyday and still get excited. 

I just love animals!

I was surprised at how many animals they keep at this zoo. It's in central park so I wasn't expecting a whole lot but it was really great. Every now and then I'd forget that I was in the middle of the city! 

The polar bear was my particular favorite, even though he was asleep and we all enjoyed the children's zoo too. The large turtle shells, in particular, gave us about 20 minutes of pure childish entertainment. 

Overall the weekend was amazing! We ate too much, took naps every day, walked till our feet hurt, and bonded like we hadn't done in a while. It was just what we both needed. I hope now that the next time she comes to visit she won't be so afraid of the subways and I can show her even more of my new city.

forgetting my face

I walked out of my apartment this morning with a deadline ahead. I had to go to North, to the bronx then head South to work, dropping off my library book on the way. As I was getting to the subway I realized that I had forgotten to put on makeup this morning. I had gone into the bathroom, brushed my teeth, washed my face and went about getting ready. Not even a layer of mascara (my usual staple) was applied.

At first the usual flood of terror that rushes over a naked faced gal hit me. I thought about the contents of my purse. Was there a bag of makeup-to-go floating around in there? There was not. Did I have time in my deadline to stop at a drug store to purchase some emergency supplies? I wasn't sure, nor did I want to spend the money to buy things I already had at home (an adult way of thinking??? could be). What would the guys at work think? Would they comment on how I looked different this morning or say that I looked tired? I began to get a tad stressed over the idea.

Then, as quickly as the flood of nervousness had come, it was gone. I didn't really care to stress about it. In fact, I felt a little sense of relief. My face, the way it naturally looks, was out there in the world, the way it's meant to be. And if someone was going to say something about it, oh well. There are plenty of other faces out there for them to look at. It was wonderful not worrying about my eye liner running when a rain drop hit my eye. When I had an itch I didn't see all my eye shadow on the end my finger and I was glad.

Sometimes I forget that I'm not so bad off without makeup. Sure it can help, but it's ok to not use it too. And I'm sure my skin appreciates the fresh air. It's funny how in forgetting to put on "my face" this morning, I ended up remembering my face after all.

On: being taken care of

A month or so ago I went out to lunch with one of the bartenders I work with. Out of many of my other co-workers he and I seem to get along on a deeper level which makes it easy to talk to each other about  a lot of things. At one point we got onto the topic of past relationships and how they can form us into the people we are today. How we learn from out mistakes and take the good bits as reminders for the future. How it makes me a little uncomfortable when a guy buys me a drink, even in the friendliest way. How I tend to take it personally when the fellas at my other job won't let me carry cases of wine, not because they think I can't, but because they're being gentlemen. And then my friend said something that made me feel so exposed...

You don't know how to be taken care of. 

The words slapped me in the face and before I could give it a second thought I said:

You're absolutely right.

And he was. Absolutely right.

At the ripe age of 26 I've got this whole-taking-care-of-myself pretty down. Sure I'm still learning things as I go along but for the most part I've been fairly self sufficient for a while now. I can rig a toilet with the best of them, change a tire like a pro, budget my money to a tee, and I'm even blazing the frontier of cooking, And to be quite honest, it feels amazing. I've felt more like my true self lately than I have in a long time.

But maybe, just maybe, I've become a little too good at it. I've always had this idea of being in a relationship that's very much like a team. He and I making up for each others short comings, picking each other up when the other is down, taking care of each other. Being single for the last 3 years it seems as though I've just filled all those holes in myself. And maybe, just maybe that keeps someone from coming along to do it instead. Maybe part of taking care of myself is letting someone else take care of me sometimes too. Admitting that sometimes I do want/need to be taken care of. That maybe someone else will be better at it in ways than I am.

So I think it's time that I start to change my way of thinking. I think I need to start stifling that little voice that creeps up in my head that says "don't let them make you look weak" whenever someone lends a helping hand. Time to realize that there's a difference between a friendly after work drink and taking hand-outs or being pitied. I have wonderful, quality friends who wouldn't do such things and I need to recognize that more.

It's ok to be taken care of sometimes. It's even ok to enjoy it a little too. 

A Happiest of Birthdays...

...to my one and only seester. 

 

 

The last 24 years have been quite the ride!

 I love you lots and I know your 25th will be the best year yet.

Happy Birthday Cassie!

Loving Lately

A few things I can't get enough of recently...

...Wearing my $8 reflective Aviators

...All the glorious sunshine we've been having

...Going for runs around the reservoir in Central Park

...Not needing to wear boots all the time

...Justin Timberlake's new album

...Rooftop bars/outdoor patios

...Reading on the subway

...Leaving my apartment without a coat

...Counting down the days till my sister arrives for a visit (6 days!!)

...Sending mass Snapchats 

Spring Break

When I was going to college...in Florida...Spring Break was a time I looked forward to. Not because it meant a drunken week in Cabo or a fabulous vacation. Instead I was excited for everyone else to go on their Spring Break trips so I could have the pool all to myself and enjoy the ghost town that my campus became. Who needs a fancy trip when you go to college IN FLORIDA?! Am I right? Spring Break was always more of a mindset than a destination. It was a time to relax, stop thinking about responsibilities, and just take a breather. Since graduating from college it's become all the more evident that Spring Break no longer exists (and what a damn shame that is). Unless you're a teacher....like my friend Justin.

When he called me up some weeks ago to tell me that he was considering spending his Spring Break in the city I was obviously thrilled. Since we graduated from college we try to not go over a year without seeing each other somehow and it had been one year and a couple months since our last meeting in Texas. A few weeks later and he was texting me that his plane had landed in NYC and the week that followed was one of the best in my life. I took off work a couple days and managed to get out early on others and I can honestly say it was the best Spring Break I've ever had. Have you ever met or known someone that when you're with them it's like...the best way I can describe it...like your molecules change. Justin is that someone for me. I always feel like my most self when we're together and that's just one of the reasons why he's my best friend. And having him here, at this time in my life when I feel so much change and growth happening, was perfect timing. The combination of him and this city really gave me a sense of myself that I haven't felt in a very long time and the best part is, it stuck. It didn't get on the plane with him like it did when he visited me back home. And I couldn't be more grateful to him for that.

- In our own true spontaneous way we decided it would be a good idea to try and find each other in Time Square upon his arrival. I'm not sure how much time actually passed that we were both there before Justin finally gave in and texted me his location but I was surprised that we ended up fairly close to each other.

 -A good deal of our time was spend in Brooklyn (can I just side note to say that I'm completely IN LOVE with Brooklyn. wow) with our friend from college, Stephen. And what a time we had. There was much singing and drinking and eating and even some bowling too. And the conversations...out of this world. It's so rewarding to spend real quality time with real quality people and these two are just that.

And let me mention that not only is Stephen a quality fella, he's also damn handy. You should probably check out his tumblr Left To Right Furniture where he posts about his adventures in all things wood working. He's always working on something unique and amazing.





-At one point a certain sir ran out of clean shirts....I feel like this isn't the first time this has happened on our adventures. Luckily we're close enough (somehow) to being the same-ish size so there was a good half a day where Justin walked the city in my clothes. It was definitely an interesting look that only he could pull off. It also helps to be in a city where much stranger looking folks are abundant so no one really thinks twice about the guy in a t-shirt that's just a little too small. When in Rome.

We ended up taking a little photoshoot at this particular spot and the guy in the background had quite a few photobombs that I enjoyed discovering after the fact. Some people just can't handle our brand of fun.

-After 4 months of living here I FINALLY made it to Central Park. An event only made more shameful by the fact that I live 2 avenues away from it. I know, I know. It was definitely worth the wait though since the weather had taken a turn for the better. I hadn't realized how much I missed nature since moving here. It's so rejuvenating for me to be amongst trees and grass and fresh air. I can't wait to really utilize the convenience of my apartment to this glorious park as the months go on. I feel like every spare moment I have will be spent on that grass. 

                        

After the week was over and the dust had settled, I couldn't help but look back at it and think "wow, I had no idea how badly I needed that week". The time off, the fresh air, the great company. It was a truly perfect week. Also one of those weeks where you're living in the moment so much that you realize how many pictures you didn't take.

Despite the amazing week we had, I was sad as always when I had to say goodbye to my dearest friend. I always try to keep it together but huge tears rolled down my face as I walked away. The only consolation in our parting this time is that I will be going to Alabama at the end of May for his sisters wedding. Which of course will be another glorious time together.





       BEST SPRING BREAK EVER!!!!

how Sarah got her groove back

March has been a pretty crazy month and there's been so much to talk about but I haven't been feeling so inspired to write a lot lately. I'm not sure why. I feel like it's taken me this month to really get in the groove of both my schedules and get on top of my finances. This last week I've finally felt like I'm in that space. My body has adjusted to my crazy sleep schedule somewhat and I really feel like I can be on top of all the other things in my life too. It feels good. I budget my money each week, I buy groceries to make myself lunches for work, I keep up on my laundry and am paying my bills on time.

The pieces have all fallen into place. It puts a smile on my face just thinking about it. I can't help but feel like I'm in a place in my life that I've always wanted to be in. I've never had my own apartment or payed rent or utilities and such. Now I do all those things and it feels so...natural and comfortable. Like I'm really taking care of myself in a way I've been needing to. Like I'm....dare I say it....an adult(ish)??!! Sure I've been paying bills since I got my first job at 16 but this is different. I've turned into a bit of a different person since moving here. I cook. Not just microwaving some ramen (although it is still a staple at times) but actually using the stove! And I'm not even that bad at it either. My roommate hasn't died yet so that's gotta be a good thing!

The only part of my life that hasn't been nurtured lately is my crafty side. I haven't knitted in over a month and I feel pretty sad about it. It just seems that when I do have free time I'm either resting or cleaning or catching up on something else. My craftiness is obviously a huge part of me so I know I need to find a way to start making time for it too. I know I can't be all work and no play. That's not my bag baby!

On another super exciting note, my Justin Madison Walker will be here in three days! It's been over a year since his brothers wedding which means it's been over a year since we've seen each other. No bueno. So obviously I'm thrilled that not only will he be here for a week but I will be going to Alabama for his sisters wedding at the end of May as well. Everything is just better when he's around so I'm hoping these couple days fly by as quickly as possible.

SO hopefully these feelings of settling-ness will mean more writing here. I did turn 26 somewhere in the last month and it was a pretty great time so I plan on sharing all about it soon.

Oh hey March

So nice to see you again!

So far this lovely month has brought me one thing. A cold. My first of 2013. It's been a pretty mild one though, so I can't really complain (knock on wood). A few sneezes and snuffles never killed anybody...did it? DID IT????

I'm looking forward to this month this year! I think it's going to be a great time to really get some foundation made for my new life here in the city. Since moving here I can't help but feel like the last couple months were a whirlwind and almost like a "blue-print" phase. Figuring out logistics, getting familiar with the location, making sure the ducks were in a row. Let me tell you, those ducks can really be feisty sometimes. A few months of a tornado and then letting the dust settle.

Now, looking at the month ahead, I'm seeing things much clearer.  I have jobs that I can work enough hours at. I've come up with a really smart budget(I think) to make sure that none of my bills are falling to the way side. It seems as though making budgets is fun to me now so I'm actually looking forward to keeping track of my income. I wonder is that's a mid-20's thing. My tax refund and my wonderful dad were a huge help in getting me out of the debt hole I had fallen into when I moved.  I'm making some great new friends and getting closer to the ones I already knew. Paying attention to the foods I'm eating is something I've started to do seriously too. Don't be mistaken, I will always have a serious sweet tooth that needs attention, but I'm becoming much more aware of how many carbs I eat and how little protein my diet usually contains. At work I order my cheeseburger without the huge bun and opt for a side salad instead of my favorite fries. (They're just so darn good!!)

With all this change and clarity happening I can't help but feel like March is going to be great! And if the weather starts getting better then that will make it even sweeter.

Woo March! Bring it!

To: My Eventual Kneeler

While I was at work today one of my coworkers bent down next to me to tie his shoe. While he was bending he looked at me and began to say...

"Sarah. I know we haven't known each other for very long but..."

I burst into laughter. Not a teehee kind of laughter. A loud, from the belly laughter. And I couldn't help it or stop it. It was my gut reaction. Then I had a thought.

I can't promise you that the same thing won't happen when you're the one on bended knee.

I can promise you that if it does, it won't mean a no. 

Can't wait,

You're someday Yesser

NYC brunch

Last Sunday I was fortunate to get another day off! Due to this glorious fact my roommate and I planned to have our first NYC brunch with a friend of ours. When our friend told us she wouldn't be able to make it we were pretty bummed and after some deliberation decided that the show must go on! And were we ever glad it did! We had originally planned to go to a restaurant called 3 of Cups and decided that we still would. I had checked out the menu online already and knew it was meant to be!

I can't even begin to express how marvelous the experience was. The restaurant is Italian so the inside is all exposed brick and dark wood and beautiful-ness. I was already in love. We were seated at a quaint table for 2 and had the whole area to ourselves.
**Side Note: It's so nice to know that I can live with my best friend, go out to brunch with my best friend, and still have a million things to talk about.**

Upon sitting we ordered the usual brunch refreshments, Mimosas and Bloody Marys! Which, by the way, were complimentary with out brunch entrees! I was in heaven obviously. 

And then there was the food. Words can not express.

My roommate ordered the Polenta d'Amore: Poached eggs served on soft polenta with sauteed peppers, onions, and Italian sausage.

I snagged a bite of this deliciousness and wow. It was so savory and comforting. It was a perfect choice for the cold weather we've been having.









I ordered the Benedict alla Tre Di Cuppa: Poached eggs served on grilled foccacia with prosciutto and roasted red pepper hollandaise sauce.

I had seen this dish when I looked at the menu online and my mind was set. I knew I had to have this in my belly. And I'm so glad I did. Every bite was better than the first and I never wanted it to end. Seriously. The hollandaise was so yummy and the prosciutto so thin and the perfect saltiness. I made sure to eat the potatoes first so I could enjoy every bit of the eggs.

Seconds later this was the result.

Three mimosas and a bloody mary later and we were the happiest girls in NYC. Every time our waiter came over to check on us we were too busy ooohing and aaaahing to reply with actual words. We told him (Nathan) that we would definitely be back again and that he should expect us. I hope he's as excited as we are for that! I may even get the same meal again! I loved it that much. Did i mention the meal with 2 mimosas was only $15 and some change?? I could definitely get used to this brunch thing.