the needy girl?

While working at the wine store the other day I was talking with my manager about relationships and people and things. We eventually got onto the subject of what attracts people to each other and he said something that smacked me up a bit. He said "Guys want to be with a needy girl. They don't want a girl who doesn't need them. They just like to feel needed".

HOLD. THE. PHONE.

So you're saying all these years that I've spent becoming an independent, self sufficient, free-thinking gal will only keep men from wanting to be with me? All the things I've not said in order to avoid seeming "needy" would have been attractive? I've been under the impression that my independence would be something that a guy would love me for; something he admired most about me. Now I'm supposed to figure out a way to become needier? Act like I don't know how to do things or become a damsel in distress? I always scratched my head when I saw these great guys putting up with girls who could barely tie their own shoes. Maybe there was a method to that madness. They had a boyfriend after all.

Have I been in the dark about this all these years? I don't want to believe so. Do all guys feel this way or is this a case by case opinion? Maybe the fellas that love an independent woman are fewer and far between. I think I need more opinions. I'm not about to change who I am in order to land a man but maybe my expectations needs to change if this is really how men feel.

Guys, what do you think? Needy or Not? Maybe you can elaborate a little for me. I'm extremely curious to know what you all think about this.

just sayin'

I've never wanted to be lump of dough so badly in my life! Just sayin'.

to have and have not

I don't know if it's the fact that I'm 26 or that I'm living on my own for real for the first time or a combination of both of those things, but I've discovered certain ways about myself that have developed as of late. Ways that I go about my life; things that I choose to have or have not. Some of these things are pretty trivial but have become very much a part of my fiber as a 26 year old. I couldn't help but take a little inventory of them.

Things I can't live without:

Rainbow Sprinkles- If I'm gonna pay for the ice cream I will ALWAYS pay for rainbow sprinkles too.

Facial Hair- On a man of course. It used to be optional to me but I've found in recent times it's become a real necessity. Like a sign of ones manhood.

Dark Chocolate Chips- I keep a bag in the freezer at all times. They complete me.

Night Cream- How did I never invest in this before? My face has been thanking me lately.

DVR- I don't think I could ever go back. 

Multivitamins- I know I don't eat all the things my body needs so these are the next best thing. It's time to start really taking care of this vessel I'm using.

Library Card- Free books....need I say more?? 

Eggs- I was never much of an egg eater growing up (My sister filled that role) but since moving here I find that eggs have become an essential part of my diet. They're just so versatile and delicious!

Glass Water Bottle- Free liquid refreshment from a tap in a reusable container? Done. 

Things I can live without:

  Mini Jean Skirts- There's a time and a place and I feel like that time and place already happened for me. And it was great while it lasted. 

Designer Duds- I thought I would get sucked into the "label" game when I moved to NYC but I think being here has only reinforced the ridiculousness of it all. Old Navy V-Necks for life!

MTV- I used to really love me some "crappy tv" as my college roommates called it and don't get me wrong, every now and then I'll flip through the channels and indulge but I find myself not really caring about the absurd programs on this channel anymore. 

Pop- Yes, I still call it pop. Out of sight out of mind and I'm better off for it.

Bottled Water- I just hate paying for things that I can get for free.

Beauty Magazines- I've read it all before Cosmo and I'll never fit into any of those clothes Vogue. Sorry. 

Clubbing- I love to dance but I also like to have the space to do so. And the air to breathe. And the people to hear or talk to. And the bar to get to.

Iceberg Lettuce- My mom loves it so that's what I grew up eating and I still hate it. If I want water I'll just drink it. No need to chew it with dressing. Romaine for this girl!

The iPhone- I survived before it and I'll continue to do so without it in my life. Sorry iLovers. I just don't get the hype.

the winds of change

Have blown! But before I delve into that, a little background information...

When I found out which apartment I would be moving to in the city I quickly google mapped the area to see what was around me. I quickly found this place called Annie & Co down the block from me that was a Needlepoint and Knitting shop. Can we say meant to be?? When I moved I quickly emailed the shop to see if they were hiring. After a month or so I hadn't heard anything so I decided to go and check the place out. I walked in, and it was love. The walls were covered with beautiful rainbows of yarn. There were little old ladies sitting around a table knitting. The quaintness was to die for. When I inquired about whether they were hiring or not I was heart broken when the woman told me they were over-staffed at the time. A few months after that I received an email in response to my original email to them. They wanted to interview me! I was elated. I sent them some pictures of my work along with my resume and waited impatiently for the day to arrive. Much to my chagrin, the day before my interview I received another email saying that they wouldn't need me after all but would keep me in mind. "Yeah right" I said to myself. We've all heard the "We'll keep your resume on file" line so i quickly forgot about the idea of working in yarn heaven. Silly me. About a month ago now I was at work and had a voicemail from a strange number. It was Annie & Co. They wanted to interview me again. Was this real life?! It was. I interviewed on a Thursday and got the job on Friday.

When something is meant to be, it's meant to be. And just because it doesn't happen in the timing we think it should doesn't mean it's not going to happen at all. Thanks for the reminder there God.

The choice to work at the knitting company was not entirely easy. I had to make the decision to leave the restaurant I had been working at since I moved here. I had made all my first NYC friends there and gone through a lot of work to try and make my schedules work out between both jobs. So while there was a little sadness in leaving, I knew it was the right choice for me. The pay is better, the hours are better, and I can't begin to express how much more fulfilling it is. I'm not on my feet for 8 hours straight. I'm not at work until 1am. I have time to do the things I really want to do like go for a run, knit, cook/bake and spend time with my friends finally! One and a half weeks in and I couldn't be happier with my decision. And did I mentioned that they want me to make a sweater?! I was so excited when I heard that! I've wanted to make a sweater for a while so I can't wait to take on this challenge! And do it the right way with some wonderful ladies for guidance.

I'm so excited for this change. While it means that I'll be working 7 days a week, I could care less. It's worth being able to get out of work at 6pm and do something that I really love. I miss my new pals from the restaurant but now that I don't work there I'm allowed to go there whenever I want for a drink! So it's not a total loss.

This is gonna be great!

thank you for the kiss

In the early morning hours of my 22nd birthday I had just returned to my dorm from doing I don't remember what. I wasn't expecting much from this particular birthday since my only plans were to get in a car in a few hours and take the long drive to Burmingham, Alabama for a theatre conference. The year after your 21st birthday you don't really expect much in the way of specialness. Or I didn't anyways.

 As I walked to my room there was a knock at the door. I wasn't expecting anyone so I was curious about who it could have been at that hour. I opened the door and the next thing I know, I'm being kissed. And not only am I being kissed, I'm being kissed in a way that every girl dreams about. That out of nowhere, takes you by surprise, shock melting into surrender type of kiss. He was nervous at first, his hands shook a little on my face. But the man in him quickly took over and he was in charge. It was a glorious kiss. One for the record books. And as soon as it had started it was over. He said "Happy Birthday Sarah. I'll see you when you get back" and was gone. Just like that. A hit and run.

While not much came out of that kiss romantically, it's a wonderful memory I will keep with me forever. That was the Jake I knew. He was fearless in so many ways and always "went into the basement" as we had learned in Improv class. He was one of the funniest people I've known and I feel so fortunate to call him a friend. His legacy at Eckerd will long be remembered through his Improv troupe, Another Man's Trash, his servants heart and his over all amazing-ness as a person.

Jake, my heart is so very heavy over the loss of you. I pray that you have found a peace that passes all understanding. I'll never forget the times we shared together, the way I never knew how seriously to take you whenever you hit on me, or how you would squish yourself next to me in that red chair during class. I'm still grateful to you for letting me work with AMT as your "stage manager". It's something that I keep on my resume to this day. I miss you so very much.

Thank you for the kiss.

city eats

That's one big Burrito Enchilado!

While Cassie was here we ate and then we ate, and then we ate some more. All the places we went to were super delicious, decently priced, and all over the map. One of the things I'd been looking forward to when I moved here was exploring different cuisine so not only was the weekend awesome but getting to try new restaurants made it that much better. So I figured I'd share the new wealth with all of you! Let me know if you've tried any of these and how you feel about them! And if you have any suggestions for other awesome spots, I'm all ears!

Carmine's; Times Square- Family Style Italian. Need I say more? The portions are huge and the atmosphere makes you feel like you're in your own home.....with about 100 of your family members.  The penne a la vodka is superb.

Pizza Suprema; Chelsea- You want to eat the best pizza in NYC? Well head towards Madison Square Garden and kiddie corner to that you'll find this hole in the wall pizza place. It's been owned by the same family for 45 years which makes it pretty legit in my book. Let me suggest the White slice.

Nomad; East Village- I actually found this spot through a Groupon deal that I didn't end up getting to buy but the menu looked so good we just had to go anyway. The cuisine is North African and the decor certainly matches. We shared all our food (3 appetizers, 1 entree, and dessert) and had a really great experience.  The hummus was perfect and the seafood cous cous was excellent.

Mole; Upper East Side- How else would we celebrate Cinco de Mayo than having some super large portions of Mexican food(the proof is in the picture!) The place was really crowded but it was worth the wait for the delicious food that followed. Oh, and that burrito was SO good for breakfast a couple days later, no shame in my game!!! 

3 of Cups; East Village- Of course we had to go here! It's our most favorite place so obviously we had to take my sister! It was just a glorious as ever.

Bon Apetit!

sister visit

Cassie having her first NYC hotdog!

Last weekend my sister came to visit for a few days and boy did we have fun. We may have spent 90% of our time eating but it was a great time nonetheless. She had only been to the city once before (on a bus trip.....terrible idea) so I was excited to show her the city that I've come to know so far and there were still plenty of places that I haven't even been yet that we got to check out together. I don't remember the last time we spent that much time together, just us. It's weird when you realize that you're to the age where you may never live in the same place as your sibling. Sure we go off to college but when you're there you know it's only temporary, and you certainly aren't thinking about where you and your sister will settle down someday. Or that it might not end up being anywhere near each other. For the record, being a nanny WILL make you start to think about these things!!

 

We  visited the World Trade Center and found St. Paul's Chapel, which is the oldest functioning church in Manhattan. It's directly across the street from the World Trade Center and was somehow undamaged on September 11th. The inside still acts as a memorial so it was really cool to go inside and see it all. Living in Western New York during that time I felt so removed from it all but now that I'm here it's crazy to think about the fact that most of the people I've met, were here for it all and experienced it first hand. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like. 

 Our family happens to love going to museums and Cassie and I are definitely no exception. When my dad and poppop were here for my birthday they ended up going to the American Museum of Natural History while I was at work one morning. I was crushed! So it became a necessity when Cassie was here. It also happened that one of the exhibits at the time was all about whales, so I just had to see it. 

I couldn't believe how much is actually in that building! We definitely could have spent the entire day inside and still wouldn't have seen everything. I loved the whales obviously and we both enjoyed the animal exhibits. They look so real!! 

I'm also convinced that everything in that museum DOES come to life at night.

Of course we had to stroll around Central Park! And in our strollings we happened to stumble upon a Wafels and Dinges truck! If you haven't experienced one of these, it's a must! Any description I try to give won't do these treats justice so I won't begin to try. Just know that if you happen to stumble upon one, just do it!

In honor of Cinco de Mayo(which was actually the next day) we got a little fancy for a Mexican feast! Why wouldn't we?? Our meal was amazing but somehow Cassie ended up with all the other pictures from the evening. Between her camera and mine, we'd have a complete album of our trip.

Just look at these two fools. Having the time of their lives

The final day of Cassie's visit was spent at the zoo! I'm sorry, but there is something about the zoo that will always bring out the child in me. I could see the same animals everyday and still get excited. 

I just love animals!

I was surprised at how many animals they keep at this zoo. It's in central park so I wasn't expecting a whole lot but it was really great. Every now and then I'd forget that I was in the middle of the city! 

The polar bear was my particular favorite, even though he was asleep and we all enjoyed the children's zoo too. The large turtle shells, in particular, gave us about 20 minutes of pure childish entertainment. 

Overall the weekend was amazing! We ate too much, took naps every day, walked till our feet hurt, and bonded like we hadn't done in a while. It was just what we both needed. I hope now that the next time she comes to visit she won't be so afraid of the subways and I can show her even more of my new city.

forgetting my face

I walked out of my apartment this morning with a deadline ahead. I had to go to North, to the bronx then head South to work, dropping off my library book on the way. As I was getting to the subway I realized that I had forgotten to put on makeup this morning. I had gone into the bathroom, brushed my teeth, washed my face and went about getting ready. Not even a layer of mascara (my usual staple) was applied.

At first the usual flood of terror that rushes over a naked faced gal hit me. I thought about the contents of my purse. Was there a bag of makeup-to-go floating around in there? There was not. Did I have time in my deadline to stop at a drug store to purchase some emergency supplies? I wasn't sure, nor did I want to spend the money to buy things I already had at home (an adult way of thinking??? could be). What would the guys at work think? Would they comment on how I looked different this morning or say that I looked tired? I began to get a tad stressed over the idea.

Then, as quickly as the flood of nervousness had come, it was gone. I didn't really care to stress about it. In fact, I felt a little sense of relief. My face, the way it naturally looks, was out there in the world, the way it's meant to be. And if someone was going to say something about it, oh well. There are plenty of other faces out there for them to look at. It was wonderful not worrying about my eye liner running when a rain drop hit my eye. When I had an itch I didn't see all my eye shadow on the end my finger and I was glad.

Sometimes I forget that I'm not so bad off without makeup. Sure it can help, but it's ok to not use it too. And I'm sure my skin appreciates the fresh air. It's funny how in forgetting to put on "my face" this morning, I ended up remembering my face after all.

On: being taken care of

A month or so ago I went out to lunch with one of the bartenders I work with. Out of many of my other co-workers he and I seem to get along on a deeper level which makes it easy to talk to each other about  a lot of things. At one point we got onto the topic of past relationships and how they can form us into the people we are today. How we learn from out mistakes and take the good bits as reminders for the future. How it makes me a little uncomfortable when a guy buys me a drink, even in the friendliest way. How I tend to take it personally when the fellas at my other job won't let me carry cases of wine, not because they think I can't, but because they're being gentlemen. And then my friend said something that made me feel so exposed...

You don't know how to be taken care of. 

The words slapped me in the face and before I could give it a second thought I said:

You're absolutely right.

And he was. Absolutely right.

At the ripe age of 26 I've got this whole-taking-care-of-myself pretty down. Sure I'm still learning things as I go along but for the most part I've been fairly self sufficient for a while now. I can rig a toilet with the best of them, change a tire like a pro, budget my money to a tee, and I'm even blazing the frontier of cooking, And to be quite honest, it feels amazing. I've felt more like my true self lately than I have in a long time.

But maybe, just maybe, I've become a little too good at it. I've always had this idea of being in a relationship that's very much like a team. He and I making up for each others short comings, picking each other up when the other is down, taking care of each other. Being single for the last 3 years it seems as though I've just filled all those holes in myself. And maybe, just maybe that keeps someone from coming along to do it instead. Maybe part of taking care of myself is letting someone else take care of me sometimes too. Admitting that sometimes I do want/need to be taken care of. That maybe someone else will be better at it in ways than I am.

So I think it's time that I start to change my way of thinking. I think I need to start stifling that little voice that creeps up in my head that says "don't let them make you look weak" whenever someone lends a helping hand. Time to realize that there's a difference between a friendly after work drink and taking hand-outs or being pitied. I have wonderful, quality friends who wouldn't do such things and I need to recognize that more.

It's ok to be taken care of sometimes. It's even ok to enjoy it a little too. 

A Happiest of Birthdays...

...to my one and only seester. 

 

 

The last 24 years have been quite the ride!

 I love you lots and I know your 25th will be the best year yet.

Happy Birthday Cassie!