The Carol Cowl

A couple months back, while I was working at the knitting shop, I came across this particular yarn and needless to say, it was love. I'm sure any of my fellow knitters/crocheters can understand the mystical draw of a yarn that really speaks to you. It immediately takes over your thoughts as well as your project list and wallet. You have no idea what you'll use it for but you know it has to be yours, before anyone else can discover its glory and get it first. So when I saw this yarn, madelinetosh pashmina worsted in Rain Water, my craft gears were in overdrive. In order to make sure that I was having some kind of head on my shoulders I told myself that I wouldn't buy the yarn until I actually had a project for it (you can imagine the anxiety this gave me as there were only 3 skein left!). I began scouring Ravelry for the perfect project and quickly determined that a cowl would be the best use of this luscious yarn. But which? I searched and searched and just couldn't seem to find the right pattern that would really do my yarn justice. It's one of those things where, when you know, you know. I had an idea of what I wanted in my head but it didn't seem that such a pattern existed. I was feeling defeated. My beautiful yarn needed a soul mate. Then, it dawned on me...


...why don't I just make my own pattern? If I could figure out a way to translate the vision in my head to a pattern that looked similar, my dream cowl could be a reality! The swatching process began. There were needle sizes to gauge and pattern combinations to be tested. The end product was quite the hodge-podge of crazy but man was it helpful to really seeing how things would turn out if I used different techniques. I will never again underestimate the importance of swatching. I now had a clear vision of what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it. It was time to cast on.

And cast on I did. I even got a solid 2" into the pattern when I realized that it just wouldn't do. There were already a few too many hiccups along the way and I just couldn't have them tainting my vision for this yarn. Frogging had to be done, and lots of it. And it was in my frogging that I was also able to realize that my original number of cast on stitches just wouldn't be enough either. As much of a pain as frogging can be, it certainly proved educational this time. As did taking notes. So important.
I cast on again, this time with just a tad more focus and determination to not only NOT mess up but also figure out how to correct any mistakes that were made. I would keep it with me to work on while I rode the subway every other day or so and found that I could knit a little more than a row per subway ride. (Let me tell you, there's nothing like knitting on the subway to really make you feel it when people are looking at you) In about a month I had my cowl complete. It was everything I wanted it to be and I couldn't be happier. Now it needed a name. Something feminine and meaningful. It had to be named Carol, after my grandmother. I owe so much of my talent to her and I would have never picked up knitting needles if she hadn't have passed them down to me. So it was only right that this be The Carol Cowl.

I couldn't be happier with it! It's exactly what I wanted and I'm so glad I took the time to play with it and really work it out. Now if only the weather would cool down a tad so I can wear it!

 

 My coworker Sarita was kind enough to help me out by snapping some shots for me the other day as well so shoutout to her!!

I've made this pattern available for a couple bucks on both Ravelry and my Etsy page if you would like to make it too. If you'd rather have me make you one contact me and we'll chat! I loved making so I can't wait to do it again. It's definitely a project that's close to my heart.

it's funny...

:home:  the place in which one's domestic affections are centered

It's funny how when you're living at home (in your parents basement) the only thing you think about is how you will get out into the world again. On your own. Paying your rent. Having your own space. And even when you do finally leave the nest you know this is the best decision you've ever made. Now here's the funny part. It's not until the time you go back to visit home that you realize how much you love it there. The feelings of comfort and familiarity are palpable and you can really breathe.

It's funny when the place you've finally gotten away from is the place you never want to leave again. 

But you know it's only an illusion. You know that you love it this much because you get to leave in a week and return to the new life you're building. You've lived here for years and there wasn't much for you and that hasn't changed since you left. Maybe someday it will, but not yet. So you just sit back and enjoy it. Every minute of it. You see the people you haven't seen in months and catch up on all the goings-ons of the town. You visit your favorite food spots and eat way too much, all the while knowing that you could very well still be here, doing these things. It just wouldn't be the same.

It's better to love this place from a distance. To know that it will always be there when you need it. When I need it. Back in college I didn't appreciate home when I was there or away. My life in Florida was all I wanted to do and I couldn't wait to get back there. Even when I moved back home after college I dreaded it. Not only was I moving back in with my parents but I had already been to college and seen what else was out there for me. It was a rough time. When I moved to the city I still didn't think I would miss it. I was so ready to move on to the next chapter of my life and give it my all. All that changed the minute I stepped foot in my home. It felt like any other night before. Sneaking through the house to get to my bedroom, avoiding the squeaky boards so I didn't wake my parents. It was all so familiar. By the middle of the week I started to forget that I even live in NYC. It was all so normal feeling and for a moment I let myself get caught up in it. I thought "hey, this could still be my life. I could do this", but then a little voice in the back of my head reminded me of why I moved in the first place. As great as Oz was, Dorothy had to go back to Kansas....only in my case Oz is home and Kansas is NYC.

It's funny how two, polar opposite places, can each make you feel complete.

WNY and NYC couldn't be more different from each other. And yet, they each are fulfilling me in great ways. I love the fast pace life in the city. There's always things to do, places to go, sites to see. There's so much history here and I love being a part of it. My apartment is adorable and my jobs are two of the best I've ever had. I really love it. I care less about what people think of me here because Lord knows there is always someone crazier at the party. Home is.....home. It's where my growing years were spent. Where I feel just right wearing a plaid shirt and driving my dads pick up truck around town. Fridays I go out to dinner with my Poppop for fish and Wednesdays are spent playing trivia at Applebees. I can go out with my boys and drink beers and eat wings and know that these guys have known me for longer than I can even remember and when we hug goodbye and say 'I love you' there's not an ounce of subtext. We really love each other and I love that. Home is who I am. The roots of me. 

I'm glad that I've finally come around to loving home(my mother is too). I honestly never imagined that it would happen. Growing up there I was determined to leave and never look back and I never saw myself changing my mind  about that. But I have. I don't know if I'll ever move back there, life can be silly that way, but I do know that I will soak up every moment of it whenever I visit. It's my rechargeable battery. My place to get back in touch with that side of myself.

It's home.

new tunes

A coworker of mine happens to have a very eclectic ear for music which he brings to work with him regularly. Sometimes I can't do anything but scratch my head at the albums he chooses for us all to listen to. Other times I can't seem to get enough of whatever he's got playing. Most recently he's introduced me to Mayer Hawthorne. The first time I heard him I remember asking "Is this Pharrell?" His voice is silky smooth and you can hear the influences of artists like Smokey Robinson and Curtis Mayfield in his music. So obviously, I'm loving it.

This song is from his new EP, Where Does This Door Go. The album has a more modern feel from his older music so I figured I share some of that too!

All his videos are pretty unique as well, which I can appreciate.

Enjoy!

a girl's first sweater

I've been knitting for 3 years now and I can't believe it's taken me this long to be able to say this but...I'm making my first sweater!!!!!! When I got the job at Annie & Company I told my friends for days that I was secretly hoping my boss would tell me that she wanted me to learn how to make a sweater. Come my first day, my boss said that very thing! I couldn't believe my ears. I spent a week scanning through patterns on Ravelry and looking through books in order to find the perfect sweater. It wanted to find a pattern that wouldn't be too far out of my skill level but was still something new that I could be challenged by. One night on Ravelry I found the perfect sweater. It's called Aidez and the minute I saw it I knew it had to be mine. It's so comfy and cozy looking and I even loved the color that it was made in originally. Clearly, this was meant to be. The next (and most important) step was picking the perfect yarn. I knew I wanted something neutral in color and soft to the touch. It only took less then a day and a little guidance to pick The One. I decided on Rowan Cocoon on the color Frost ( which is a natural/tan). This particular yarn in 80% Merino Wool and 20% Kid Mohair which means it's super duper soft and I pretty much love it. I'm so happy with my choice!

I started the sweater as soon as I possibly could. I was so excited! I quickly realized that this sweater was just right for me. It has tons of cables and knits together really quickly so even doing a couple rows makes it seem like I've accomplished a good amount. So far I've finished the back piece and I'm working on one of the front sides. Everything's knit on straight needles so it's done in pieces and sewn together. In order to avoid sleeve seams though I think I'll knit the sleeves on circular needles. I read a lot of the posts from the other people that made this sweater and many of them made the whole thing in the round but I decided early on that I didn't want to take too many chanced by changing the way the pattern is written. Better to air on the safe side for my first sweater. The last thing I want is to get too ahead of myself and go changing things and making mistakes.

So that's my first sweater so far. I really can't wait to have it to wear. It's gonna be great! As I get more done on it, and other projects I'm working on, I'll be sure to post about it here. Working at a knitting store has really lit a fire under my ass as far as crafting is concerned. I missed it a lot and am still sad that my sewing machine didn't get to make the trip (yet) but for now I'm really enjoying all the new opportunities I'm finding through knitting. It feels amazing!

On the bookshelf

Since moving to the city I find myself reading up a storm and really loving it. So it seems only right to share some of my good reads and spread the wealth!

“You have to digest life. You have to chew it up and love it all through.”
-Paula McLain, The Paris Wife 

What a book. Written from the perspective of Hadley Hemingway, the first wife of Ernest Hemingway, and set in the years that they lived in Paris, while the characters, places, and events are true, it's still a fictitious novel. So much of the book is based off of interviews and biographies though that it's hard not to believe it all and be totally immersed. Which I was. The things that this woman went through, all in the name of marriage and love, are so inspiring. She was quite a lady. And if you know anything about Ernest Hemingway, you know how the story ends, but that doesn't keep you from wanting things to go differently. You can't help but root for Hadley and maybe learn a little from her story too. Plus, what girl wouldn't dream of being swept off her feet to live in Paris?? 

"Know your own happiness. You want nothing but patience; or give it a more fascinating name: call it hope."
-Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

An all time classic. Any Jane Austen is really. Would I say that I liked it more than Pride and Prejudice? No. Nothing trumps P&P for me, but this is definitely worth the time to read. You can't help but fall in love with the men in this book and they're each so different that there's someone for everyone. You'll wish you were growing up in England in the late 1700s....minus the lack of plumbing maybe. Just be prepared from some period language that may be a little hard to interpret. I don't suggest trying to read this on the subway or right before bed. Chances are you won't retain much of it and if you do, props to you! You're a more trained reader than I! It was certainly a book that required a good amount of concentration and focus from me but once I got the rhythm, the storyline will swept me up in romance and kept me invested. It's simply beautiful. 

"All right... I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool--that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool."
-F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

Somehow I never read this book in school so when I started seeing falling in love with previews for the movie I knew I had to read the book first. And I did. Twice. It's so easy to be engrossed in the love story of Jay and Daisy. You just want them to be together and be happy so badly but, in true Shakespearean fashion, that's not the case. It's also easy to start imagining what your own life would have been like as a socialite living on Long Island in the 1930s. It all seems so fabulous and decadent. I like to think that I was a free-wheeling flapper in a past life. Having a short bob hair cut, wearing plenty of fringe, dancing a mean Charleston, drinking champagne, and staying out until all hours of the morning. Seems like a great time to me! So much of New York City reminds me of this time period and there's something very romantic about it all. This is definitely a book I'll be reading from time to time.   

“The decisions of our past are the architects of our present.”
 -Dan Brown, Inferno

Back in high school my boyfriend read this book called The DiVinci Code. He insisted that I read it too along with another book by the same author called Angels and Demons. Needless to stay, Robert Langdon and his intriguing life are still just as interesting to me as they were all those years ago. And this newest book is no different. Set back in Italy, this book is all based around the epic poem by Dante Alighieri which depicts his journey through hell. Once again, the aspects of this book that are real are captivating enough to keep you invested and maybe even help you brush up on your Italian art history. It definitely re-sparked my desire to visit there someday, or maybe even live there for a period of time. I would just love to see all the places that this book takes place in. There's just so much culture and beauty and pasta.....but I digress. While I was a little unhappy with how this book wrapped things up in the end, it was still worth the time to read. 

“If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.”
-Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

A coworker of mine recommended this book to me after I had read Gatsby and I'm so glad he did. It's a set of memoirs by Ernest Hemingway that focuses on his life in Paris, struggling to become the writer he would one day be. It chronicles his struggles, his loves, and his ever important relationships with other writers that had also settled in Paris at the time. This book is a really great read but I will advise that you don't pick it up right after reading Jane Austen like I did. The language of the one book compared to the other requires a period of time to reset your rhythm. I got a quarter of the way through this book before realizing that I hadn't really read any of it. Once I took some time away from it and started over, it was SO much easier to read and I really enjoyed it. There's something lovely about Hemingway that makes you love him, regardless of his dastardly behavior.  

I don't know if it's this city or what but I'm very much on a 1930s kick it seems. There's just something very appealing about these people, the lives they were living, the characters they created and the history of it all that I just can't get enough of. And the book I'm working on now goes right along with that. So I hope you'll bear with me. If you decide to read any of these books please let me know how you felt about them! I'd love to hear some other opinions. And if you liked them as much as I did, spread the love too. I can't help but feel that word of mouth is a powerful thing for the written word these days. I also encourage you to maybe skip the E-reader. Let's keep actual books alive! 

My dearest

I need to get something out. Something that could change us more than anything we've ever been through. And only time will tell if that change will be for the better or worse. And the not knowing of that is enough to eat me alive. Then again, so is this thing inside me. So either way....

I think I'm in love with you.

There it is. In black and white. A real thing. Like the knot in my stomach and the quiver in my fingertips. Tangible. Words I haven't used in regards to anyone for many, many years. Words that I don't throw around frivolously. Words that I know won't get me much in return.   

Because right now our timelines don't match up. They never really have. Since we met I always had this underlying feeling that we hadn't been through enough life yet....we hadn't marinated enough to be who we needed to be for each other in that way.

You were ready for it at first. I was your type then. You said things and did things that made that more than evident to me. But I wasn't ready for that version of you in that way. Yet somehow over time, in our marinating, I seasoned out of being your type and you turned into mine. And now I want to say things and make that more than evident. But you're not ready for this version of me in this way. Funny how life works.

So now I find myself trying to get over you. You who I've never even been in a relationship with. I have to find a way to be okay with not knowing what the future holds; with not knowing whether our timelines are even meant to line up. I have to have faith that if it's meant to be, it will be, while not totally closing myself off to anyone else, like it would be so so easy to do.

Because I can't make you love me. I can't try to change every little thing about myself to fit your type again. I'm a different person now and if you aren't in love this version, then that's that. And that's something I'll have to be okay with. Because you mean too much to me to be otherwise.  

And maybe in five minutes I'll look back on this and regret every word or maybe in 50 years we'll laugh about the time I confessed my love in a blog post. Either way, it's out. No longer eating away at me. No longer just a thought that I've been rolling around in my head for months. And I'm glad for that.

Love, Me

the needy girl?

While working at the wine store the other day I was talking with my manager about relationships and people and things. We eventually got onto the subject of what attracts people to each other and he said something that smacked me up a bit. He said "Guys want to be with a needy girl. They don't want a girl who doesn't need them. They just like to feel needed".

HOLD. THE. PHONE.

So you're saying all these years that I've spent becoming an independent, self sufficient, free-thinking gal will only keep men from wanting to be with me? All the things I've not said in order to avoid seeming "needy" would have been attractive? I've been under the impression that my independence would be something that a guy would love me for; something he admired most about me. Now I'm supposed to figure out a way to become needier? Act like I don't know how to do things or become a damsel in distress? I always scratched my head when I saw these great guys putting up with girls who could barely tie their own shoes. Maybe there was a method to that madness. They had a boyfriend after all.

Have I been in the dark about this all these years? I don't want to believe so. Do all guys feel this way or is this a case by case opinion? Maybe the fellas that love an independent woman are fewer and far between. I think I need more opinions. I'm not about to change who I am in order to land a man but maybe my expectations needs to change if this is really how men feel.

Guys, what do you think? Needy or Not? Maybe you can elaborate a little for me. I'm extremely curious to know what you all think about this.

just sayin'

I've never wanted to be lump of dough so badly in my life! Just sayin'.

to have and have not

I don't know if it's the fact that I'm 26 or that I'm living on my own for real for the first time or a combination of both of those things, but I've discovered certain ways about myself that have developed as of late. Ways that I go about my life; things that I choose to have or have not. Some of these things are pretty trivial but have become very much a part of my fiber as a 26 year old. I couldn't help but take a little inventory of them.

Things I can't live without:

Rainbow Sprinkles- If I'm gonna pay for the ice cream I will ALWAYS pay for rainbow sprinkles too.

Facial Hair- On a man of course. It used to be optional to me but I've found in recent times it's become a real necessity. Like a sign of ones manhood.

Dark Chocolate Chips- I keep a bag in the freezer at all times. They complete me.

Night Cream- How did I never invest in this before? My face has been thanking me lately.

DVR- I don't think I could ever go back. 

Multivitamins- I know I don't eat all the things my body needs so these are the next best thing. It's time to start really taking care of this vessel I'm using.

Library Card- Free books....need I say more?? 

Eggs- I was never much of an egg eater growing up (My sister filled that role) but since moving here I find that eggs have become an essential part of my diet. They're just so versatile and delicious!

Glass Water Bottle- Free liquid refreshment from a tap in a reusable container? Done. 

Things I can live without:

  Mini Jean Skirts- There's a time and a place and I feel like that time and place already happened for me. And it was great while it lasted. 

Designer Duds- I thought I would get sucked into the "label" game when I moved to NYC but I think being here has only reinforced the ridiculousness of it all. Old Navy V-Necks for life!

MTV- I used to really love me some "crappy tv" as my college roommates called it and don't get me wrong, every now and then I'll flip through the channels and indulge but I find myself not really caring about the absurd programs on this channel anymore. 

Pop- Yes, I still call it pop. Out of sight out of mind and I'm better off for it.

Bottled Water- I just hate paying for things that I can get for free.

Beauty Magazines- I've read it all before Cosmo and I'll never fit into any of those clothes Vogue. Sorry. 

Clubbing- I love to dance but I also like to have the space to do so. And the air to breathe. And the people to hear or talk to. And the bar to get to.

Iceberg Lettuce- My mom loves it so that's what I grew up eating and I still hate it. If I want water I'll just drink it. No need to chew it with dressing. Romaine for this girl!

The iPhone- I survived before it and I'll continue to do so without it in my life. Sorry iLovers. I just don't get the hype.

the winds of change

Have blown! But before I delve into that, a little background information...

When I found out which apartment I would be moving to in the city I quickly google mapped the area to see what was around me. I quickly found this place called Annie & Co down the block from me that was a Needlepoint and Knitting shop. Can we say meant to be?? When I moved I quickly emailed the shop to see if they were hiring. After a month or so I hadn't heard anything so I decided to go and check the place out. I walked in, and it was love. The walls were covered with beautiful rainbows of yarn. There were little old ladies sitting around a table knitting. The quaintness was to die for. When I inquired about whether they were hiring or not I was heart broken when the woman told me they were over-staffed at the time. A few months after that I received an email in response to my original email to them. They wanted to interview me! I was elated. I sent them some pictures of my work along with my resume and waited impatiently for the day to arrive. Much to my chagrin, the day before my interview I received another email saying that they wouldn't need me after all but would keep me in mind. "Yeah right" I said to myself. We've all heard the "We'll keep your resume on file" line so i quickly forgot about the idea of working in yarn heaven. Silly me. About a month ago now I was at work and had a voicemail from a strange number. It was Annie & Co. They wanted to interview me again. Was this real life?! It was. I interviewed on a Thursday and got the job on Friday.

When something is meant to be, it's meant to be. And just because it doesn't happen in the timing we think it should doesn't mean it's not going to happen at all. Thanks for the reminder there God.

The choice to work at the knitting company was not entirely easy. I had to make the decision to leave the restaurant I had been working at since I moved here. I had made all my first NYC friends there and gone through a lot of work to try and make my schedules work out between both jobs. So while there was a little sadness in leaving, I knew it was the right choice for me. The pay is better, the hours are better, and I can't begin to express how much more fulfilling it is. I'm not on my feet for 8 hours straight. I'm not at work until 1am. I have time to do the things I really want to do like go for a run, knit, cook/bake and spend time with my friends finally! One and a half weeks in and I couldn't be happier with my decision. And did I mentioned that they want me to make a sweater?! I was so excited when I heard that! I've wanted to make a sweater for a while so I can't wait to take on this challenge! And do it the right way with some wonderful ladies for guidance.

I'm so excited for this change. While it means that I'll be working 7 days a week, I could care less. It's worth being able to get out of work at 6pm and do something that I really love. I miss my new pals from the restaurant but now that I don't work there I'm allowed to go there whenever I want for a drink! So it's not a total loss.

This is gonna be great!