last love

I had the pleasure of going out to lunch today with my ex, from high school. We broke up before going to college but have remained friends and try to get together at least once when we're in the same place. It's always nice to be able to catch up with each other.

He picked me up from work and as we were driving to the restaurant I couldn't help but have a thought. We were together for almost 2 years. We had been in this very position so many times. He in the driver seat; me in the passenger. It was familiar still, after all these years. But when I looked at him, really looked at him, I couldn't remember how it used to feel to be with him. I used to love this person for years of my life and now I have no idea what that felt like. He was my last love.
 
When I was young, and in love, I thought I would remember it forever. Every moment, every emotion, every detail. I was wrong. I thought there would definitely be some feelings of remembering, if I really thought about it. But there weren't.

I'm not sad or upset by this. I guess I'm just surprised. It was an unexpected absence. I don't remember what it's like to be in love with someone. And maybe that's okay. I can't help but feel like being in love in high school is worlds different from an adult love. But at the end of the day, it's still love. An adoration for someone. An intimacy.

And I can't help but wonder if I'll know it the next time it does come around. Will I recognize the feeling? If I don't will I miss it altogether? I hope not. Because I think that's something I want to have in the near future. Even if it hurts or doesn't work out in the end.

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw:

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."

Vacay preview

Here's a sneak peak of my family trip to Washington DC:

The Lincoln Memorial
The Hope Diamond
African Bush elephant in the rotunda of the Museum of Natural Science
An etching of words Lincoln spoke
The Washington Monument

the view from here

the horses where I nanny

morning in the dining room at the Athenaeum Hotel 

six mix 

voodoo doughnuts all the way from Portland Oregon

wild red raspberries

free time?

I can't believe we're almost through July. Where on earth did it go?? Going into this summer I thought for sure that I'd have some extra time on my hands to relax and sew and relax. So far that hasn't been the case. The hotel alone consumes even my days off. I've done a few projects that I'll hopefully be able to put up here soon but not nearly as many as I wanted to do. It makes me sad!! On the other hand there's definitely no time for boredom. So I guess it's not all bad.

Also on a positive note, I'll be joining my family on a trip to Arlington VA this weekend. A few months ago my great uncle passed away and had chosen to be buried in the National Cemetery. So this weekend we're going down for that. The D.C. area is one of my favorite places ever so I'm pretty excited not only to have some time off but to be in my favorite place with some of my favorite people. If we're really lucky maybe I'll have time to post pictures of the trip too!! A girl can dream.

To: My Eventual Last Boyfriend

Let me apologize in advance for some of the men before you. Not all were bad, but not all were right either. The reason for this? 

For most of my life I didn't believe you existed. And part of me is still skeptical. But more and more I feel myself wanting you to be out there, which makes me start to believe that you are. It's a strange feeling but I'm learning to embrace it little by little. 

So please don't let me down.

And I'll try to do the same by keeping the wrong men to a minimum.

Ever Yours,

Your Last Girlfriend

a wedding ring

While working at the hotel yesterday I was standing at the front desk when a woman came over and stood near me. For some reason I glanced down at her finger and noticed her wedding ring. A simple gold band. No diamonds, no platinum, no "rock". It made me think about how people think about the symbol of a wedding ring these days.

Now, this obviously doesn't apply to all married/engaged couples, and it's strictly my opinion, but I can't help but feel like there is a correlation between the ring to long lasting marraige ratio that has changed from years past. So often I notice that the marriages that have lasted the longest don't carry the biggest rings. When people were getting engaged in those days it didn't matter so much about how many carats a ring was. The important thing was the commitment that the ring represented. Now a days I feel like most women are disappointed if their ring isn't visible from the moon...like the person giving it to them doesn't love them enough. And beyond that, if it's not something that their friends will oooh and aaah over then it's not worthy of their finger.

When did carats become a measurement of love?

And like I said, I know this doesn't pertain to a lot of people. I have a handful of friends who have really great committed marriages that come with big rocks too. If you have the means, by all means! I guess I just see too often that other people who are more concerned about how big their ring is, usually don't have marriages that last.

So as I looked at that simple gold band on the woman's finger, I decided, if and when I get engaged, I know it will be for the man, not for the ring. While it's a wonderful symbol of love and commitment, it doesn't make up for love and commitment if it's not already a part of a relationship.

decision

I made one!

I decided that instead of moving away (location still TBD) right away in the fall, that I'm going to stay in town long enough to work at JCC again. They are doing Legally Blonde which for those of you that don't know, is a super huge Broadway show. I mean, it's B-I-G. Big sets, big costumes, big songs, and big dance numbers. Did I mention that it was big?? Oh and everything is PINK! So, so pink. It's gonna be rough but I'm really looking forward to the challenge.

I had been contemplating this decision for a while. The show runs into the second week of November, right before the holidays. The idea of staying here that long and having the holidays around the corner made me a little convinced that when the time came I would postpone my moving again. Which is not something I want. So a couple weeks ago my moms best friend was visiting and I explained my predicament to her. She looked at me and said "I don't think so". Just like that. She went on to say that knowing how I am and how determined I am to make this happen she doesn't believe that I will allow myself to get stuck and not make the move. She was the first person to say that to me. It was exactly what I needed. Just hearing her say that put my mind at ease and I knew she was right. I am extremely determined to take this big step so I have to believe that I won't let the pending holidays keep me from going through with it.

So the decision was made to stay for Legally Blonde. And if you see me wearing this shirt on a weekly basis, now you know why!

And if you're in town and want to get involved in some capacity, let me know! Any and all actors, helpers, etc are welcome!

so fresh and so clean clean

oooooo-weeeeeeee

I did it. I made the leap and combined my 2 blogs. {cheers!}

It took a good deal of figuring and copy and pasting and changing around but I think I like what I've come up with. It's much more me. And now my craft blog won't be so left out of the loop, thank goodness.

Some things may still change in the next week or so but for the most part this blog will be about my life(still), which includes being a crafter! Why I every tried to separate the two, I will never know.

So yeah, join me on this new little adventure of mine. It should be a good one.

blog envy

I find myself having a serious case of blog envy lately. As I scroll through the blogs I follow on bloglovin' I read new posts and catch up on what's going on in their lives, the usual, but lately I've also been exploring their blogs too. But my exploring comes with a feeling of longing. I love the way those blogs look and more importantly, feel. They are simple and personal and unique to that person.
Then I look at my own blog. And while I like the way mine looks, I don't like it nearly as much. It doesn't feel like me. Parts of it do but it doesn't feel like a very strong identity. And I don't know how to fix that. The last thing I want to do is steal someone elses look or ideas. I want it to be my own. I want it to feel like me.
So I guess I'm trying to say that things may be changing around here. And not just the look of things. I think the direction of this blog needs to become clearer. So far it's been a lot about my opinions and thoughts. Who cares? Should I care if anyone cares? I don't know. I have another blog as well that I've been neglecting lately (mostly because I haven't had a lot of time to craft therefore nothing much to write about). Should I combine the two? Having them separate allows me to express two sides of myself separately as well so maybe it would be more difficult to combine them. I guess I've got to figure it out.
And to my fellow bloggers and non-bloggers even, if you have any suggestions or advice I'd really appreciate it. What are your tricks and tips? What editing programs/sites do you like to use? I'm not the most technological so all help is welcome!

Thanks friends

the next month

I can't believe it's already June. wth! It snuck up on me today when I was looking at Caden's school calendar to see then he would start summer break. As I found the date a voice in my head said "Hey, after June comes July". Now I know that seems fairly obvious but this July is going to be a little different from my past two.

just a couple of clowns

Starting July 1st I will no longer be a full time nanny. I'll still be part time to help out with chores and entertaining the kids so our mom-to-be can rest or get other things done easier. But I won't be there every day. It's scary just typing it. This is what I've known for almost 2 years now and the idea of not seeing these kids as often is really starting to affect me. Deep down I know it's my time to move on and get my life back on track, but boy am I going to miss them. {The tears are welling} I've watched them both grow up so much and Mikenna and I have become particularly close. We went to Pre-K this year and what a blessing that has been as well. Tomorrow is our last day and I'm really sad about it. I've come to know the other women in the class and really enjoy their opinions and input. It's as if this is my last month in high school again and everything is important to take in and remember forever. 

Beyond all these emotional feelings, this next month will have some big decisions in it as well. I still haven't heard from any theatres about a job which means Plan B will shortly be in affect. The biggest problem with that being.....I NEED to pick a place to move to. There are a few places on the table: NYC, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Chicago and Charlotte and the front runners. All places where I have friends, all places with plenty of theatres. Decisions decisions. The thing that makes is somewhat difficult to choose is, I don't really know how to set them apart or rank them really. Sure some would be more expensive than others or seem more dangerous but I don't want those to be factors in my choice. So I guess I need to figure out what DOES factor into making my choice. Maybe that will be what June is for. Deciding what it is that I'm looking for in a location. Figuring out which place will best fit me and vice versa.